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Happy Marriage is Just a Myth

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 07, 2019

Question

I have lost the desire to get married now that I have realized it's not as great as it's portrayed in movies and books.

Recently, I got to stay with a couple whom I thought were a modern meaning of no more backward thinking where one believes woman's place is in the kitchen. I thought they would be a happy couple where there are date nights, hugs, even when there are fights, they still make up and apologize.

Instead, she was expected to cook, do laundry, and not just hers but her in-laws' as well! When she got pregnant, her husband's sister told him that his wife was being lazy while she was pregnant. So, the husband started to urge her to cook even though she would be in pain and he would not offer to give her a massage as she would have to keep asking for it over and over until he agrees, and it wouldn’t last long.

However, when he has to go to bed, she gives him scalp massage every night. After she had a C-section, her husband didn't help her much. He was worried and cried while she was in labor, but once the baby came, it was back to normal.

Basically, I just realized that this is the reality. I haven't met a single couple whom I consider to be healthy and loving. Even on social media, people portray happy things when in reality, it's unappealing. The only reason I want to get married now seems to be for physical needs, but I am told that it’s a horrible reason to want to get married.

I know I won't last, especially since my parents are looking for desi guys because my lifestyle is different. I have started to become healthy with my meals, and I have become minimalist. I did this so that I can improve my mental health.

But from what I am seeing, I am expected to clean or cook things I don't eat just because my husband likes it or that his family prefers different things. I feel angry just thinking about it. I want some insight as to how to deal with someone from such a different lifestyle when marrying a desi guy/family.

Also, how do I talk with my family about these expectations I have without getting angry. I had depression and I was lazy, and this has given me a bad reputation in my family. Meaning that they don't see me capable of making decisions that are good for me. So, when I mention these qualities I want, they become extremely judgmental.

Counselor

Answer


Happy Marriage is Just a Myth

In this counseling video, you will learn:

Everyone has different expectations; what might make you unhappy in a marriage does not necessarily make others unhappy.

The ideal marriage does not mean pure happiness.

Challenges strengthen marriage.

Be positive; you have every chance to meet a man who fulfills your criteria.

Marriage needs compromise; your husband will not be perfect.

Make your expectations clear to your potential husband.

Your parents’ opinion and approval of the marriage are important.

Watch more:




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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