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Brother-in-Law Sexually Harasses My Wife

08 December, 2020
Q Assalamualaikum.

I have a question that is really bothering me since I got to know about something. I'll try to tell you in detail so you can advise me the way forward. I got married 3 months ago. My wife lives in another country for a long time now. She basically grew up there. She came here, we got married and then she went back there after a few days. We are to reunite after a year or so as we have filed for a spouse visa and its process will get completed in around that time.

We will be living there where she lives. Our marriage is going great so far Alhumdulillah, we're very happy. I'll tell you about the background of my question first so you have the complete picture in front of you before you advise me what to do about it, in light of Quran, Sunnah, and moral ethics.

My wife's sister is married for more than 10 years now and she lives there with her husband in the same area where my wife lives with her parents, for now. My wife's brother in law has a very good image there. Everyone considers him a saint and believes whatever he says but that's just an illusion he has created for him over there. In a few months, they are about to have their first baby after this long; they also had a miscarriage some years ago.

My wife's brother in law tried to sexually harass my wife three times in the last three years. He forcefully kissed her once, grabbed her hand once and the one time he had very serious intentions. He mixed something in her food and punctured the tire of her car so she can't leave and when she got dizzy and started feeling unwell. She couldn’t even get up. He tried to kiss her but got pushed away. She called her dad because she wasn't feeling well.

That filthy man then knew her father would arrive so he stopped and started acting normal. She was at her sister's house. Her father came and took her home in his car not knowing what actually happened. She had to take some rest and medicine in order to get back to normal. But she never told about it to anybody. She was scared that everyone might not believe her. Nobody would doubt him because of his image if he just denied and lied about everything.

Also, the family would fall apart since he's her brother in law and she loves are sister very much. You can imagine how hard it would have been for her. Now she took me in confidence and told me all this a few days ago. I trust her and I know she's right. But now that I know about all this, it's bothering me a lot. I have a constant headache since I got to know about it.

I want to just ruin that brother in law and teach him a lesson for life. How can he do wrong to her and keep on living a normal life as if nothing happened? What gave him this privilege? Why does she have to be under a constant fear that if she said something about it, she'll be the one to blame for all the chaos caused by it.

Now, I want to talk to my wife's parents and her sister about it. I want to tell them about the reality of that man and what he did to my wife. But my wife is still scared that it would destroy the family and everything would fall apart. They might not trust her or maybe everyone who gets to know about it will ask her questions and all. She sometimes agrees but then again falls under the fear. She also fears to lose her parents to some misunderstanding. But I can't live like this.

Soon we'll be together there and that brother in law will be around. She has been acting normal around him in front of everybody but hates him from the inside. I loathe him and I just can't follow along. I want a rational solution to this. I plan on talking to everybody about it when we're there so we're together and she doesn’t have to face it all alone.

What do you advise considering what Islam guides me to do in such situation? How do I approach this whole scenario? How do I channel my anger where do I channel it? I want us to live with our heads held high and not under the fear of something or someone. Really hoping for a solution here. Jazak'Allah

Answer


In this video you will learn:

How to better manage your anger when dealing with an intense situation.

Advise your wife to not be alone with him at any given time.

There are three options you have, discuss with your wife and move forward with whichever one suits you best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)