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A Convert: I’m Struggling with My Christian Mom

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 09, 2018

Question

Assalamualaikum. I’m struggling in my heart. I am a revert to Islam and my mother is absolutely against Islam. It’s something we don’t really talk about because it causes tension between us. It’s the reason I have not had the courage to start wearing hijab though I want to. I am married now for a year and recently had a baby. My mother wanted us to buy a house with her to ease her loneliness, which I declined because I can’t see us living in a peaceful environment together. I want to raise my children as good Muslims and I would be terrified if she would talk negatively to my children day in and day out about Islam while promoting her beliefs in Christianity. We have had a difficult relationship. My husband is the only one who works so I can stay at home with our baby. She suggested that she moves in and babysit and I go to work. I am uncomfortable with that for the above reason. Theoretically, it would be a great way to draw her to Islam but I don’t think that’s how it would go. She has fallen on hard times now; she has lost her job, needs to get surgery and is separated from her husband. I feel consumed with guilt because I know if a person really wants to they can rearrange their whole life to help someone. So, what’s my excuse? We are supposed to be kind and dutiful to our parents. She is moving to another state to get help filing for disability for income, so I no longer need to fill that role, but I guess I feel guilty for refusing her offer. I do plan to care for her when she becomes old. My question is, do I have the right to protect my peace and children in this way? Am I automatically obligated to fulfill all of my mother’s desires? A lot of this would fall on my husband too. What should one do?

Counselor

Answer


A Convert: I’m Struggling with My Christian Mom

As-Salamu Aleikom,

In this video, you will learn some alternative ways convert Muslims can do to establish a better relationship with their non-Muslim parents.

 

 

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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