Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,
I am sorry that your sisters are causing distress and sadness. However, at this happy time in life for your son and your family, I must say that you need to avoid feelings of unhappiness and stress. These feelings may interfere with the overall happiness of the event and hinder your level of productivity and participation during the greatest milestone of your son and yourself, as you said this is the first wedding of the family, in sha’ Allah. J
Approach conflict with calmness
One thing you must remember is to never be rude to them. Handle everything with love and affection; after all, they are your sisters. Sometimes differences arise, but being polite and trying to explain your situation to them, rather than resorting to frustration and stress, can lead to better solutions.
You mentioned in the question that you have a limited number of seating. Perhaps try explaining your sisters of your personal circumstances, if you feel that it is right. For instance, let them know that it was a mutual decision between your husband and yourself. Furthermore, if they do not understand, try not to let it distract you.
Being the eldest daughter, I can tell you, is not the easiest feat. The eldest of the family have a heavy responsibility of the younger siblings. Therefore, your sisters need a bit of guidance from you. You are like a mother to them although you are all mothers yourselves. Therefore, you must teach them and help them become a better version of themselves. No one is too old to learn and improve. Help your sisters understand that families, and ties with families are a blessing from Allah (swt).
Aisha (RA) reported, “The Messenger of Allah (saw) aid, ‘Verily, the believers with the most complete faith are those with the most excellent character and who are most kind to their families.” (Tirmidhi)
In addition, in your previous question, you said that you have support from your second sister. Focus on her goodness. Perhaps ask her to explain to your younger sisters. Or perhaps both of you should politely explain to them the importance of maintaining good ties.
Therefore, every time you meet your sisters, please try, and forget your past with them, regardless of how hurtful or callous it may have been. This is because the past is nonexistent.
Forgive and forget
In the Quran, Allah (swt) says,
“Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good.” (3: 134)
If we genuinely pardon those who anger us, inwardly and outwardly, then that cleanses our souls from Shaytan’s negative whispers. The Prophet (saw) taught us this practice when he said,
“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. (Al-Bukhari)
Allah (swt) also says in the Quran:
“The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy.” (49:10)
So, forgive and forget the misbehavior of your sisters. I understand that it is easier said than done. However, it will slowly but surely subside. This is because practicing is better than preaching. Although you are always helpful towards them in times of need, perhaps your ignorance towards their rude and unnecessary behavior will help ameliorate their behavior.
Do not be sad
Next, I must tell you that a true believer should never feel sad although it is human nature to despair at the slightest change in our planned course of action. The feeling of sadness will only manifest itself under our control. If we let sadness subside and bring out the positive side to an unhappy event, then we will surely not dwell in sadness.
Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (2:153)
To achieve emotional calm and patience, pray often to Allah (swt). Call on Him (swt) often. Use His names to glorify him. There is a solution for every problem, be it physical, emotional or psychological.
Focus on your son and new daughter-in-law
More importantly, with the first family wedding around the corner, do not let little things occupy your mind. Pay utmost attention to your own family, especially your new daughter-in-law and let not anything distract you from ensuring happiness between the new couple and easing your daughter in-law’s transition to her new family.
Your role now is not limited to just being a daughter, sister, wife, and mother; you will now be becoming a mother-in-law as well. A new role will bring along a new set of responsibilities that you must take on with perfection. You also need to think about the family that will be joining your family.
With the ongoing nature of your sisters, it is possible that they might try and interfere with your new grown family. In order to avoid this from happening, you need to maintain strong ties with your daughter-in-law and her family and keep the bond strong between families such that nothing can rupture it in the future, in sha’ Allah.
However, with your sisters occupying your mind, it might be hard to focus your attention on more important matters. Therefore, before you can successfully ensure this, you need to steer clear your mind from overthinking and relax.
In conclusion, I personally feel that you need to overcome overthinking about your sisters. The first and foremost duty that you have is towards your spouse and your kids. If you and your husband reached a mutual consensus on the invitees to the party and are happy with the decision, what others say does not matter, even if they are your sisters. However, how you approach them does matter, and nothing is better than politeness and faith in the face of uncertainty and stress.
Salam,
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