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My Father Abandons Me

Questioner

D

Reply Date

Mar 17, 2018

Question

My parents are divorced, and my mom is trying to help me get through school. My father, on the other hand, is constantly taking my mom to court to make her pay child support for my brother, even though the judge keeps denying it based of my state calculation worksheets. We have laws that state if the parents divorce, then their children will be supported until the age of 23. He is trying to put my mother and me out of his life; however, we do not have financial means to live even if I quit school as I do not even have a high school diploma yet. I am angry at him for trying to abandon me, and I don't know how to handle it.

Counselor

Answer


My Father Abandons Me

In this counseling answer:

“Writing down your feelings can also be a very liberating thing to do if you feel confused or unable to verbalize your feelings. There is a lot of power in writing your feelings down on paper and holding it in your hand. The feelings suddenly become tangible instead of intangible and unreachable. The more knowledge you have about yourself, the more power you have and thus more control.”


As-Salam ‘Alaykum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. I am very sorry to hear about your father’s actions towards you and your mother. I ask Allah to help you overcome all the hurtful feelings you are experiencing, and give you the strength to move on with your life with hope, optimism, and trust in Allah and in yourself.

Divorce is never an easy road to tread through. Every single person in the household is affected by it in a profound manner. When marriages don’t work out, it would be ideal if both individuals leave each other in a peaceful and respectful manner. That is what Allah had ordered us, Muslims, to do, and it is mentioned in the Quran and the Hadeeths of the Prophet (peace be upon him) numerous times. We must seek peace, justice, and the least amount of losses. As people, we need to see the bigger picture and understand that every decision we make and every action we do can also ultimately affect the lives of others, and we must act responsibly in accordance with what Allah had ordered us. It is unfortunate that many people go through a divorce (or any other disagreement in that manner) with feelings of overwhelming hurt, which turns into vengeance and the desire to destroy the other party. It seems like that is what is happening in your situation.

You have certainly been put in an extremely difficult position. I am sorry for all the negative feelings you have to endure. Especially the feelings of abandonment from your father – the person who was supposed to love, nurture, and protect you throughout your life. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings are real; do not be ashamed of them.

During this difficult time, please leave the legal issues to your mother and father. Do not get into their legal battles in court. Leave it up to Allah and up to the courts. I am sure it is difficult not to busy yourself with such issues, especially if it happens often. However, for your own sake, believe in Allah that He will make a way for you and your mother. Focus on yourself. Try to get through this time by staying close to family and friends who love and support you. Spend your time with people whom you love, and do activities that you enjoy.

Writing down your feelings can also be a very liberating thing to do if you feel confused or unable to verbalize your feelings. There is a lot of power in writing your feelings down on paper and holding it in your hand. The feelings suddenly become tangible instead of intangible and unreachable. The more knowledge you have about yourself, the more power you have and thus more control.

Another very important thing I would suggest would be to start counseling. Counseling will help you organize your thoughts, feelings, and make a plan for yourself and what you want to attain. It helps you clear things out during this difficult time. If there aren’t Muslim counselors in your area, then please do not hesitate to go to a non-Muslim counselor. The challenges you are facing can be treated by any person who has the proper training in counseling regardless of religious affiliation.

I ask Allah to help you and your family during this difficult time and to help everyone find peace.

***

 

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Slaves of an Abusive Father

My Father Doesn’t Deserve Kindness

A Bad Father is Better Than No Father?




About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

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