Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
Feeling neglected by the ones you love can easily lead to distress as it does with you. There are a few important things to consider in this situation that might assist you in overcoming these difficulties.
Firstly, like you husband says, it is only for 3-4 weeks a year. The remaining 46-47 weeks they are not around, and it is not a situation you have to manage. However, that does not take away the fact that you get very sad and depressed during the 3-4 weeks that they are around. Do remember, however, that they haven’t seen him for the majority of the year like you have and so they miss him and likewise, he misses them, too. So, naturally, when they see each other, they will want to spend a lot of time together to make the most of the short time they have together. If you hadn’t seen your loved ones for that long, you would probably feel quite the same. Keeping this in mind might assist you in feeling more sympathetic towards his side of the situation. The following hadeeth highlights the importance of this as means to enter Paradise.
“I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) saying, “O people, exchange greetings of peace (i.e., say: As-Salamu ‘Alaikum to one another), feed people, strengthen the ties of kinship, and be in prayer when others are asleep, you will enter Jannah in peace.” (Tirmidhi)
It is important that he respects his parents and takes care of them as they did to him as a baby. He only gets the chance to do this for 3-4 weeks to a year, so by obligation as well, it’s important to maintain these ties of kinship, and it’s important that you support him in doing so as you would likely expect of him when meeting with your own family.
As for his younger sister, remember that he is the older brother, her role model and the one that she probably looks up to. The majority of the year, she misses out on this relationship and building these close bonds and, therefore, will be naturally very happy in his presence with the chance to strengthen bonds in ways they can’t when they are not together.
It is not likely that he is actually forgetting you as you say, but that you feel that way because you are comparing it to your daily experience with him when they are not around, when you get more attention from him. You say you have told him that you feel left out when they are around, but maybe he doesn’t realize how much it upsets you. Perhaps, you could suggest to him how he can involve you more rather than simply telling him that you don’t like it. Give him the solution to how he can keep you happy whilst his family are around because it may be that he might not know how to involve you in a way that pleases you.
When his family is around, instead of hiding away and finding ways to keep busy, engage with them and chat with them. It’s been a long time since you saw them, too, so catch up on how they have been all this while. Hiding away might also give them bad impressions about yourself, or that you are not interested in talking to them. Get to know them and let them get to know you so that you can build relations with them too that you will look forward to their visit.
You have only been married for 2 years, so there is much to learn about your husband’s family. You can maintain these relations regular via phone or email so that the family ties ae strengthened, even if it’s just a quick catchup call every now and again, and their yearly visits become more welcoming and happy times for all involved.
In addition, in the future, you might plan ahead before the family come the kinds of things that you will do together; any outings you might go out, what food you will make, etc. Plan this together with your husband before they come. This way, you will be involved in the process even before they arrive.
May Allah (swt) bring happiness and comfort between yourself and your husband and ease in maintaining ties of kinship successfully.
Salam,
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