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Between Father & My Career: How to Choose?

Questioner

S

Reply Date

Nov 14, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Aleikom. I am a resident in surgery. Recently, my duties shifted to another hospital because the training in the previous hospital was unpaid. But now I want to join back there again because the Institute for postgraduate training agreed to pay for us.

The problem is that my father, due to whatever reasons, does not allow me to join again. He insists on continuing in the current hospital (which is not as good as the previous one). My father does not know much about my field. I did istikhara and I feel I should go back to my previous hospital for training. Should I obey my father or should I listen to my heart and join the previous hospital?

Counselor

Answer


Between Father & My Career: How to Choose?

In this counseling answer:

• I would advise you to scrutinize the situation again. Compare and contrast the two places. List down your set of priorities and see which place offers you the best.

• Sit with your father to discuss the issue.

• Let your father know that his opinions matter.

• Remember, it is not always about money when it comes to learning, especially in the medical field. Experience matters a lot.


Dear sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Some decisions and choices are difficult to make. We often require a word from our elders. However, the best thing is to trust God (swt) and your instinct and go for it. Since you have performed istikhara, you are technically supposed to go with it.

Despite this, I would advise you to scrutinize the situation again. Compare and contrast the two places. List down your set of priorities and see which place offers you the best.

As far as your father’s opinion is concerned, sit with him to discuss the issue. He wants the best for you. Ask him why he thinks the current place to be a better opportunity as compared to the previous one. Maybe he is looking at the place from a different angle. This will, hence, be in your favor.

Also, talk about why you think the previous hospital is better than the current one. You can initiate the conversation with appreciation and acknowledgment. Use sentences like „I know dad you want the best for me”, and „I look up to you for suggestions and advice”.

Let your father know that his opinions matter. Then go about asking questions regarding why he considers the current place to be good. If you disagree, tell him your point of view by justifying through experiences. Say, „but dad, I experienced a problem here that was absent in the previous institute. Don’t you think its substantial enough to go back?” Discuss and reach a neutral solution.

Remember, it is not always about money when it comes to learning, especially in the medical field. Experience matters a lot. It does not matter if your father belongs to another field. Experience comes with age and knowledge that can help you with all the fields of life. Make a sensible decision that will aid your future learning and progress.


Check out this counseling video:


Also, analyze the market demand and then go for it. Your aim is not to stand against your dad. Instead, you need to communicate and understand each other’s point of views and that is only possible through communication. You must also discuss your everyday experiences with him. If possible, research and show him live examples; the internet can be of great help. Let him meet different people belonging to the same genre. You can take him to your previous institute and let him meet your supervisor. He can talk and clarify his concerns.

Place your trust in Allah (swt) and everything shall be in your favor, in sha’ Allah.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

A Career Woman: I’m not Sure If I Want to Marry

What Comes First: Marriage or Career?

Can Muslim Women Have a Career?




About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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