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How to Tell My Hindu Mom That I’m a Muslim?

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N

Reply Date

Dec 06, 2017

Question

I am a revert from India. It’s been two years since I converted alhamdulillah. My question is, my family is very dear to me, especially my mother. Her journey through life until now was not an easy one and it’s still not. She finds it hard to let me go to have my own life. Although I study and stay in a hostel, every now and then she wants me home just to be with me, and I love to be with her, too, but that means missing my prayers which I don’t want. She has noticed changes in my dressing and questions me about it but has no idea about me praying and that I became a Muslim. I care for her so much but at the same time I am done living a life in two different ways. I am not able to cover my head because me being a Muslim is still not public. How can I tell her about this? And I want to get married, too. I am 25 but who will marry me? I have rejected several proposals with lame excuses in order to delay and protect my mother from harm, physical and mental, but I am done now. I thought it could wait until my studies are over, get a job and then tell my mother everything. But that means another one year of missing prayers and not covering my head. I don't want that. I want to become a Muslim – in all possible ways. And there aren't any proposals anymore. I have no proper guardian to find me a partner. I hope if I have someone to support me then in sha’ Allah I can face the situation in a better way. I am very scared with things happening in India. It is just getting worse. What if I won’t ever get married? Will I be alone? Will I be able to take care of my mother and in sha’ Allah one day help her to find the right path, too? JazakAllah khayran.

Counselor

Answer


How to Tell My Hindu Mom That I'm a Muslim?

In this counseling answer:

“Your mom may be angry and hurt for awhile, but her reaction may be the same even if you waited until your studies were completed. As mothers do know their daughters, your mom probably already knows you have reverted to Islam anyhow and is just waiting for your confirmation. Perhaps her reaction will surprise you, and she will be reluctantly accepting. Make du’aa’ to Allah before you tell her (if you decide to) and ask that He grants you ease and your mother’s acceptance of your reversion.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing us. From what I understand dear sister, yes, things are very difficult in some parts of India for Muslims. While it may hurt your mother emotionally that you are Muslim, it is recommended in sha’ Allah that you do tell her so that you do not live a double life. Telling her will enable you to pray and live as a Muslim, even if it means that only your mom will know, depending on the political environment.

Your mom may be angry and hurt for awhile, but her reaction may be the same even if you waited until your studies were completed. As mothers do know their daughters, your mom probably already knows you have reverted to Islam anyhow and is just waiting for your confirmation. Perhaps her reaction will surprise you, and she will be reluctantly accepting. Make du’aa’ to Allah before you tell her (if you decide to) and ask that He grants you ease and your mother’s acceptance of your reversion. As you and your mom love each other very much and seem to have a close relationship, perhaps this will outweigh any religious/cultural belief systems to wish she subscribes.

With that being said, I suggest this only if there is no danger to you or your family. While I do not know where in India you live, I know some areas are dangerous for Muslims. According to The Muslim Observer “As Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi maintains his silence over the recent controversy on Hindu conversions, Muslims in the sub-continent feel vulnerable with hardcore Hindu groups holding such ceremonies to target minorities in different parts of the country.”; and “the government must take a strong stand against communal forces. Narendra Modi should issue a statement so that Muslims may feel more secure. His silence on controversial issues creates suspicion about his intentions”. With this understanding, I do urge you to proceed with caution.

As far as getting married, sister, you are still young, and a relatively new Muslim. Please take time to study Islam, build up a network of Islamic friends and activities and ensure you are grounded in your Islamic community. Attend your local masjid and get to know your community. They will in sha’ Allah provide much support dear sister as well as assistance when you feel you are ready to be married. The imam would in sha’ Allah act as your Wali. As a Muslim, have trust in Allah that you will be able to help your mom, and that one day, she too will see the beautiful light of Islam.

You are in our prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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