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Stuttering: How to Never be Nervous Around People?

Questioner

S

Reply Date

Apr 20, 2018

Question

Salam Aleikom. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with Islam and made me amongst the ummah of RasulAllah (saw). Allah has showered infinite blessings on me and I'm really thankful to Him. However, I have a serious problem: I stutter which feels so distressing when it comes to replying to people. That’s why I usually avoid mixing with people. Even communicating through the phone is a very tough task for me. I have heard many hadeeth that it's mandatory for Muslims to maintain good conduct with people around them. But I stutter and I avoid mixing with people. I don’t even say salaam to them because I know if I do they will start a conversation with me and I'll end up being stressed and ashamed. Am I sinful for going against the teachings of Islam?

Counselor

Answer


Stuttering: How to Never be Nervous Around People?

In this counseling answer:

  • Allah loves you the way you are.
  • Try to mix with others, even if just at a minimal level to begin with.

As-Salamu ’Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh dear brother,

Alhamdulillah, may Allah (swt) reward your gratitude towards Him (swt) and continue to bring contentment with your religion.

Many people have various insecurities about themselves, especially due to things that are apparent to others. These can be things related to their appearance or the way they speak.

Good people who follow Islam do not judge a person based on their overt characteristics such as appearance or speech. What matters is a person’s deen and piety. The rest is far less relevant.

You state that your stutter makes you feel stressed and ashamed. This could simply be a result of your decreased confidence due to having a stutter and fearing that others are judging you.

Perhaps, those you interact with don’t even notice your stutter. If they are good people, they are probably not even passing any judgment towards you at all.

As for those people who reject you or turn away from you solely because of your stutter are not good friends to have anyway. Those who stand by your side and do not judge you for your stutter are good friends to have.

Allah Loves You The Way You Are

Most people have insecurities about something. Probably you see many people on a daily basis who go through similar emotions.

The most important thing to remember is that Allah (swt) will not judge you (or any of us) based on the way you speak. So, try not to get too caught up in worrying about matters that are irrelevant in the sight of Allah (swt).

Ma sha’Allah, you clearly express your thanks to Allah (swt) for making you one of the Ummah. This will be your advantage in your affairs of the deen because your Islamic responsibilities will be easier to fulfill. This is what is most important.

Keeping in mind that only Allah (swt) is your judge should help you to remember that what others think does not matter, as long as you are fulfilling all your Islamic obligations.

Mixing with other brothers in Islam, learning from others, and engaging in religious discussions are good ways to increase your knowledge and strengthen your faith. This might give you that little push of motivation to take a step forward in integrating with others.

Talk to People Who Make You Feel Good

Be aware of the opportunities such as study circles or activities happening in your local community. This you could gradually get involved in as a means of interacting with others.

This might all seem a bit daunting for you since it is such a problem for you. Begin slowly with your interactions with others. Perhaps, you could begin mixing with others in an environment where you feel more confident and comfortable, and, in sha’ Allah, in time, your confidence will improve.

People with stutters often report that improved confidence in social situations can improve a stutter.

Maybe when you are in the mosque you feel most comfortable as you are in a place where the reminder of Allah (swt) is most salient.

Whilst you are in this environment, whether it be the mosque or somewhere else you feel particularly comfortable, just try to strike up a brief conversation. It might be with someone you know well or someone who is close in age to you. Or maybe you feel more confident talking to elders.

Talk to someone who makes you feel more comfortable.

Likewise, if you study or work, try to strike up a conversation with a colleague or classmate on a topic that you are both familiar with (your subject of study, for example).

Talking about a topic you are familiar with could make conversation easier for you and might improve your stutter. But even if not, talking about a topic you feel confident with could distract you from the feelings of shame you report feeling and build good relationships with others.

Mixing with others is also good for your psychological health. It is a very important part of taking care of your own well-being.

Conclusion

At the moment, you are stuck in a negative cycle because of your stutter you do not integrate. The less you integrate, the less confidence you have to try and mix with others. This only reinforces your negative thoughts about your stutter. This will interfere further with your ability to integrate and will continue to have a negative effect on your well-being.

It is, therefore, important that you try to mix with others, even if just at a minimal level to begin with.

Remember you are blessed in many other ways. Instead of placing so much importance on the negative things, focus on those that you have been blessed with.

May Allah (swt) give you the strength and peace of mind overcome your feelings about your stutter and make it easy for you to gain confidence and begin mixing with others more.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Unable to Recite Qur’an Well? It’s Not That Bad

I Feel Ugly & Neglected




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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