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I Feel Ashamed of My Ugly Face

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 14, 2018

Question

Salam! I am a young boy who has a number of moles on his face. Please, don’t tell me not to be ashamed of them because no matter how much one tells me, I will always be ashamed.

Further on, I pray to Allah daily to remove them so that I can feel good about myself and I can make my dunya and the end good as in that way when I feel good about myself I will engage in more good activities.

Please, kindly pray for me! I see so many people with clear skin and I feel so bad. I want it too.

Counselor

Answer


I Feel Ashamed of My Ugly Face

In this counseling answer:

• Think about your good qualities. What are your positive traits? What are you good at?

• Does your appearance really matter that much in the eyes of Allah?

• Your situation can even be a protection from negative traits. Being attractive can sometimes even cause people to be arrogant.


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

Very often we do become concerned about our physical appearance and there is a multitude of reasons why.

Primarily, unfortunately, people tend to jump to conclusions about someone’s personality based on how they look. There tends to be the unfortunate assumption that beautiful looking people are beautiful on the inside. This is an assumption that is far from true, but it justifies the way you feel. You know yourself that regardless of how wrong it is, people do judge others by their appearance.

You have requested not to tell you to not be ashamed of your facial moles, but in fact, it is not even necessary to say this. Instead, we can focus on the positives that will, in turn, help you feel good about yourself regardless of how you look.


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First, begin with taking away the preoccupation with your physical appearance. Think about your good qualities. What are your positive traits? What are you good at? You can still be good at sports, for example, achieve good things and feel good about yourself for this regardless of your appearance. Or, you might be a very generous person who always helps a person in need, for example. This is a positive thing.

Especially regarding this last thing, remember that these are the qualities that Allah will judge you on. You might be granted Paradise for being a kind person, but you won’t be granted for being unkind, but handsome. When you think of these things, ask yourself what’s important? Does your appearance really matter that much in the eyes of Allah?

In fact, it can even be a protection from negative traits. Being attractive can sometimes even cause people to be arrogant. This is a dislike trait that won’t be judged favorably by Allah. In this sense, you might even view your appearance as a blessing. It just requires a little deeper thought.

Additionally, you can look for alternative ways to feel good about yourself. It is not necessary to focus only on the way you look, but instead on what you are good at. Thinking about the things you are good at, be it sport, or a more academic activity, focus on this, set goals for yourself and seek to achieve them. Grow in this field and relish the successes you achieve along the way. This takes the focus away from feeling like success is a direct result of your appearance, to a more rational and realistic idea of success. It will also support you in feeling good about yourself in other ways as you achieve things within your field of expertise.

Finally, as much as there may be times where you will feel that people frown upon you for your appearance or discriminate against you for it, and perhaps they are, but you can use this for your benefit. You can be confident that people you are friends with, those that support you are doing so because they like you for who you are as a person. They are not judging you based solely on your appearance. You can be surer that you have good friends and good people around you of this is the case. Friends that will be loyal and non-judgmental. These types of friends are good to have and are those you can rely on.

So, as you can see, it’s not even necessary to tell you not to be ashamed of your appearance because there are many positive ways in which to see and use the situation for your benefit that will support you in feeling good about yourself.

As you say yourself, feeling good about yourself like this will encourage you to further engage in positive activities that will increase your confidence and make you feel even better about yourself.

May Allah bring you happiness, contentment, and success in this life and the next.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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