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I Can Not Give Up Masturbation

Questioner

N

Reply Date

Aug 18, 2018

Question

Masturbation is essential for my life. I am 27 years old and a single female. My sexual needs are very high. I have a high sexual drive. I tried to quit so many times. It is much less right now, but I cannot give it up as I really need it, and there is no marital commitment on the horizon. How is haram (forbidden in Islam) it? Am I a sinner by doing so? If so, how can I overcome my sexual needs? Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


I Can Not Give up Masturbation


In this counseling answer:

• Having a high sex drive is not wrong in itself, and that is precisely why we are encouraged to marry young so that we can satisfy those urges in a permissible manner with our spouses.

• We urge you to busy yourself and to stop masturbating because if you do not, you will find yourself feeling guilty even after marriage.

• Do you do your best to find your husband?


As-Salamu `Alaikum sister,

Thank you for writing to us about such a sensitive matter. Here are some thoughts for your consideration.

First, realize that Allah Most High who created us knows us the best, and, therefore, through the Qur’an and the Prophet’s teachings has advised us to marry young, if possible. You are twenty-seven years old now, but you did not start masturbating when you reached that age. You started earlier. Why? Obviously, you turned to masturbation to satisfy your high sexual drive. Having a high sex drive is not wrong in itself, and that is precisely why we are encouraged to marry young so that we can satisfy those urges in a permissible manner with our spouses.

Second, the more serious question you should be asking yourself is what are you doing to get married. It is not sufficient to say that there are no “commitments” on the horizon because in your case, it is imperative that you marry soon. We urge you to take this matter seriously because masturbation is the least of your worries at this point.

You are at risk of experiencing severe shame and guilt from knowing that you have a high sexual drive and that you are resorting to self-stimulation to satisfy that drive. The Prophet’s (saw) teaching regarding marriage is an appropriate reminder for you. ‘Alqama (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates,

While I was walking with ‘Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.’” (Al-Bukhari)

You owe it to yourself to become so busy and preoccupied with trying to get married that, in sha’ Allah, you will find yourself exhausted and uninterested in masturbation. And, of course, you might already know of the power of fasting in diminishing sexual drives.

Finally, we urge you to busy yourself and to stop masturbating because if you do not, you will find yourself feeling guilty even after marriage. Why? You will be so accustomed to self-stimulating that you might find little or no satisfaction in sexual relations with your husband. That would be a tragedy if you had to again resort to masturbation after marriage. So please quit and give yourself some respite as you prepare for marriage. Make sincere du`aa’ to Allah (swt) and exert effort seeking the assistance of your family and friends to find a suitable match.

May Allah (swt) help you,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Is Masturbation Haram?

Masturbation from a Different Perspective

Is Masturbation Healthy?




About Abdul-Lateef Abdullah

Abdul-Lateef Abdullah, an American convert to Islam, obtained his Bachelor’s degree in Political Science & Economics at the University of Delaware, his Master’s degree in Social Work from Columbia University, and recently completed his Ph.D. from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies, Universiti Putra Malaysia, in the field of Youth Studies.

He has worked as a Program Assistant for the Academy for Educational Development (Washington, D.C.); a Social Worker at the Montefiore Medical Center (Bronx, New York); and the Director of Documentation and Evaluation at Community IMPACT! (Washington, D.C.). He has also worked with the the Taqwa Gayong Academy (New Jersey, U.S.A./Penang, Malaysia) for troubled youth, both Muslim and non-Muslim. As a recent (1999) convert to Islam, he spends much time writing about his experiences as a Muslim-American convert. 


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