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Feeling Unworthy, Rejected and Depressed, Help !

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 23, 2018

Question

As-salamu alaikum, I am a 21-year-old university student. My question is what to do if people rejected you and don't want to talk to. I feel very distant from people; whenever I talking with people they don't want to listen to what I am saying to them. I am very alone and I don't know why. I am facing rejection of people; I personally feel I am not worthy and often drown in anxiety. Please do answer my question I am living very depressed and alone life and it's hard!

Counselor

Answer


Feeling unworthy, rejected and Depressed, Help !

In this counseling answer:

“It seems you have a strong desire to be with others as you are feeling lonely and this is making you feel depressed. If the people you are trying to talk to are not responding, then there is nothing to stop you from seeking friendship and companionship elsewhere. Most universities have clubs and societies that are open for all students to join, or if there is nothing appropriate where you are, then your local mosque will likely also have some kind of regular activity going on.”

 


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Feeling like you have no connection with anyone, and especially that they might be rejecting you will naturally make you feel depressed. This feeling will be exacerbated further as you fave the daily stresses that come with studying, trying to get the best grades and quite possibly also facing the financial difficulties and being absent from family that often comes with being a university student.

In this scenario, a good place to start is to step back and try and see things from a different angle. Are these people really rejecting you? Is it really that they dislike you? What is it that they are doing specifically that is making you feel that they are rejecting you? Or is this just the way you are interpreting their behaviour towards you?  Quite often in these cases, the latter is true.

It is likely that they are not actually rejecting you at all, but this is the way you are perceiving their behaviour. What evidence do you have to confirm that they are rejecting you? Ask yourself for what other reasons might they be behaving in such a way. University life comes with many challenges. It may be that their attitudes are simply a result of the stress of university life and therefore they are not interested in being social. Maybe they have a lot of work to complete and therefore have little time for social activities.

Maybe their financial status is difficult as it is for many students and this is causing the added stress, or they fear going out anywhere as they have no money to do so. It may also be that they are also feeling down being away from family and so feel like being alone and not integrating. It may be that they simply don’t share much in common with you and therefore don’t feel like they have much to talk to you about. This is nothing that you should be sad about, sometimes people just don’t click because they are so different and there is nothing wrong with this also.

So, as you can see, there are many other reasons why they may be seemingly uninterested in engaging with you, so it’s not necessary to take it out on yourself or blame it on your own deficits, but instead, try and see things from their side.

It seems you have a strong desire to be with others as you are feeling lonely and this is making you feel depressed. If the people you are trying to talk to are not responding, then there is nothing to stop you from seeking friendship and companionship elsewhere. Most universities have clubs and societies that are open for all students to join, or if there is nothing appropriate where you are, then your local mosque will likely also have some kind of regular activity going on.

Either way, get yourself involved in doing something that you enjoy to do. This will serve multiple purposes. Firstly, it will be a great way to boost your self-esteem and sense of worthiness as you do something fun and achieve new goals, but it will also get you mixing with other like-minded people.

It is easier to mix with those who share similar interests to you as you will have this, at least one common interest and be able to talk competently about this with a passion. This will naturally get the conversation flowing and will lead to non-related talk also and the development of a friendship. Furthermore,  even if you don’t speak to people at first, it gives you the chance to be in the company of others which will also make you feel less lonely.

 

May Allah make it easy for you and relieve you from your feelings of depression and loneliness.

Salaam.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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