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I Asked About Islam, He Blocked Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 20, 2018

Question

I will try my best to explain what happened and how I feel in sha' Allah. Allah guided me to a person who answered my questions and helped me with my struggles regarding faith. After some days, I decided to contact that individual again to know whether it was fine to ask more questions related to Islam. They said it was fine, so I took the chance and asked everything I had in mind. However, we began to have ups and downs in our relationship. The problem was that the person didn’t feel comfortable interacting with females for such a long time. Each time I tried to speak with him, at the end, he always brought up that he had an issue speaking with me. I turned to Allah to help me come up with ideas to solve this problem. Alhamdulillah, Allah answered my du'aa’s and provided me with some ideas. I told him of these ideas, but he kept telling me that he still had the issue with talking to girls under 18. One day, I asked him a question which he told me that he did not have an answer for. I sent another question to him later, but he hasn’t responded. Then in the beginning of June, I found out he blocked me. It was a huge shock for me! I went crazy to the extent that I harmed myself even. During Ramadan, I kept reaching out to him, but he blocked all my messages. I feel betrayed. In the end, Allah (swt) intervened by using a relative of mine to make me to understand that it was his choice to block me. Allah chose him to be my guide, but since he wronged me he has to face the consequences. I firmly believe Allah will provide me with something better. I just have to wait patiently until the Day of Judgment in order to get my right back. I trusted this person and I am still hurt. I really need advises on what I should do in order to move on with my life. I know that Allah (swt) will give me my right back and I know that the days will pass by quickly and then we will die. But it is really hard to forget the past when you had a hero in your life who saved you from being astray and was always there ready to answer your inquiries.

Counselor

Answer


I Asked About Islam, He Blocked Me

In this counseling answer:

“While you did not state if you attend a mosque or have any Muslim friends, I would kindly advise that you do attend a masjid for learning and meet Muslim sisters to get to know, learn from, and do social activities with. If you desire more intense Islamic learning, you can go to a university and take Islamic courses either online or on a campus. The combination of going to a mosque, having Muslim sisters as friends as well as taking intensive courses on Islam will in sha’ Allah provide a solid basis for your Islamic education.”


Answer: 

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,

I am sorry to hear of all the confusion and difficulty you are having in attempting to get an accurate Islamic education. If I understand you correctly, it appears that possibly in your eagerness to learn Islam, the brother may have perceived your inquiries as getting too personal or frequent, therefore, transcending the boundaries of Islamic etiquette. The brother was within his rights to block you if after he indicated he could no longer continue to assist you, you persisted. Sister, while you may have felt this was a betrayal, it was not, in fact; it was a protection for the both of you.

While you did not state if you attend a mosque or have any Muslim friends, I would kindly advise that you do attend a masjid for learning and meet Muslim sisters to get to know, learn from, and do social activities with. If you desire more intense Islamic learning, you can go to a university and take Islamic courses either online or on a campus. The combination of going to a mosque, having Muslim sisters as friends as well as taking intensive courses on Islam will in sha’ Allah provide a solid basis for your Islamic education.

I would also kindly suggest sister that you seek mental health counseling based on the fact that you stated “you went crazy and harmed yourself”. Sister, this is a serious issue which must be addressed. If you love and fear Allah (swt) as you state that you do, then surely you must know that self-harm is forbidden just like suicide and other haram behaviors.

Additionally, referring to this brother as a “hero” is an inflation; it is a way of taking an innocent situation (such as answering Islamic questions) and thinking that it is more than what it is. It appears as if you are obsessed with the brother (and he probably picked up on this and that is why he blocked you) as you would not leave him alone when he informed you he was uncomfortable and you harmed yourself when he blocked you. I urge you to get counseling as soon as possible, dear sister, in order that you may begin to think clearly about this situation and begin to heal.

As you possibly indicated you were under the age of 18, I urge you to confide in your parents or relatives regarding this situation so that they may be able to assist you in getting the correct counseling.

I also urge you to make a contract with someone who is close to you that you will never harm yourself again. Sign this contract and know that Allah (swt) is most merciful and Allah (swt) does see everything we do. I urge you to get counseling as soon as possible dear sister in order that you may begin to think clearly about this situation and begin to heal.

We wish you the best, you are in our prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

***

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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