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Sex in Ramadan Is Wasting of Time

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 24, 2018

Question

Salam Aleikom. Ramadan has begun and I am quite afraid. I am married and have a child. I feel overwhelmed. How can I balance between my responsibilities towards Allah, my child, and my husband? My husband wants to have intercourse with me at nights, but I am always so tired and even if I have some energy, I prefer praying Tarawih or reading Quran in Ramadan. For me, sex during Ramadan is wasting time. Please help!

Counselor

Answer


Sex in Ramadan Is Wasting of Time

In this counseling answer:

• Try not to do too much, prioritize what is of utmost importance, and let some of the things go that are not absolutely necessary.

• Talk with your husband and assure him that you do love him and desire him, but explain that you are fatigued and perhaps he can wait until you feel better.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,

While Ramadan is a blessed month, indeed, you may feel extra pressures of stress and fatigue from fasting. It is normal and a lot of people do experience this. I would kindly suggest dear sister that you ask your husband to help you in sha’ Allah with the tasks of housekeeping and caring for your child if he is able. This is also a time of family bonding and helping one another. This can serve to bring families closer, especially in regards to the responsibilities of day-to-day living and caring for a family.

If he is unable due to work obligations, perhaps get together with other sisters with children to see if you can form a sister group to support each other. By doing this, you can see how they manage all the responsibilities of a family during Ramadan and you can share tips with each other on how to manage. This can be very beneficial as you would be able to provide each other with support during Ramadan in sha’ Allah as well as encouraging one another. Our relationships with our sisters is a very blessed one, indeed.


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As far as sex is concerned, it is also an important spiritual bonding between a husband and wife. However, if you are too tired and/or prefer to concentrate on Tarawih and reading Qur’an (as we should do), perhaps if you and your husband do this together, you will find it to be quite bonding as well as relieving pressures from him as in it is blessings. Talk with your husband and assure him that you do love him and desire him, but explain that you are fatigued and perhaps he can wait until you feel better. Being respectful and conscious of our spouse’s needs and limitations is important for a happy marriage. That goes for both his needs as well as yours. In sha’ Allah, if he is able to assist you with the child and household chores in the evening, it may give you more energy for intimate needs.

Lastly dear sister, Allah is most merciful. You may find that as Ramadan goes on, you will adjust more to the rigors of fasting and find that you may actually have more energy as your body adjusts (as some have reported). Please see this link for foods to eat which is specially designed for those who are fasting during Ramadan to provide energy during the day.

I also suggest dear sister that you focus on the tenets of Ramadan, try not to do too much, prioritize what is of utmost importance, and let some of the things go that are not absolutely necessary. Reach out to other sisters for support as well as family and in sha’ Allah see if your husband can lend a hand during Ramadan. Try to perform Tarawih and read Qur’an with your husband – you may find him to be more understanding!

Wishing you a most blessed Ramadan, sister!

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Why No Marital Intimacy in Ramadan?

Forcing Wife into Sex during Ramadan: Does She Have to Offer Expiation?

Intimate Relationship in Ramadan: OK?




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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