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First Ramadan without My Husband: How to Cope?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 23, 2018

Question

Salam. My husband just died a few months ago. I was left with 3 kids. This is going to be our first Ramadan without him. We actually wanted to make Umrah in this Ramadan, subhanallah. I am trying to be patient and pray to Allah a lot as I know we all belong to Him and He chooses the time of our returning to Him. But I am a human with human feelings, and I feel really depressed and helpless sometimes. We really miss him. I cannot imagine how we will do in this Ramadan...Any advice how to survive?

Counselor

Answer


First Ramadan without My Husband: How to Cope?

In this counseling answer:

• Find a therapist in your area to help you with the grief process.

• Approach Ramadan with your heart set on fulfilling how your husband would have wanted you to spend Ramadan.

• Increase the time spent with family, sisters, social activities surrounding Ramadan.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved husband. Surely, this is a very difficult time for you and the children, and as it’s only been a few months, you are still grieving because it is a relatively new loss. It is difficult enough to deal with our own grief and sadness, but you are also dealing with your children’s as well.

I suggest dear sister that you find a therapist in your area to help you with the grief process as well as accessing your depression. I am not sure how old the children are, but family therapy may be helpful as well. In sha’ Allah, dear sister, I also encourage you to contact the imam of your mosque for support. In sha’ Allah, he may have some useful words for you or can direct you to a sisters’ group for comfort for the loss of your husband and for support during Ramadan.

Sisters who are aware of your situation should make extra efforts to reach out to you and your children during Ramadan. If there are no support groups at the Masjid, please do look on the internet for support groups for Muslim women who have lost their husbands.

Additionally, sister, approach Ramadan with your heart set on fulfilling how your husband would have wanted you to spend Ramadan. Find a quiet place to sit, pray, and ask Allah (SWT) to grant ease and guide you through this saddest of times. Think about your husband, sister. Ask yourself, what he would want me to do this Ramadan. What would his advice be?

Often times, when we lose our spouse, our best friend, our life partner, the grief consumes us to the point wherein we cannot remember how our spouse would have wanted us to carry on. Try to create a Ramadan for yourself and your children that would have made your husband smile. As Ramadan is a time of mercy, forgiveness, and seeking refuge from hellfire, it is also a time for drawing closer to Allah (SWT). Try to use this most blessed month for getting closer to Allah (SWT) despite your grief; there will be many blessings in that, in sha’ Allah.

You may find that during Ramadan your grief may decrease as your worship increases. Increase the time spent with family, sisters, social activities surrounding Ramadan. Go to the mosque as much as you can to pray and partake in iftars and suhoor. This, in sha’ Allah, may help with your feelings of loss. Being alone all the time, isolated is not recommended. You need your sisters at this time, the ummah, and the strength that comes from being around those who love Allah and love you and your children for the sake of Allah.

Allah is most merciful, sister, please do remember that, and as you know, this life is a test. I know these words cannot take away any pain. Only Allah (SWT) can do that as well as time. However, the suggestions made can ease your grief and depression. You and your children are in our prayers sister.

We wish you a blessed and rewarding Ramadan,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

How to Cope with Husband’s Sudden Death?

Fears and Depression; I Lost My Son in Ramadan

The Man I Love Died in a Car Accident; How to Move On?




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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