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First Ramadan without My Husband: How to Cope?

10 March, 2024
Q Salam. My husband just died a few months ago. I was left with 3 kids. This is going to be our first Ramadan without him. We actually wanted to make Umrah in this Ramadan, subhanallah. I am trying to be patient and pray to Allah a lot as I know we all belong to Him and He chooses the time of our returning to Him. But I am a human with human feelings, and I feel really depressed and helpless sometimes. We really miss him. I cannot imagine how we will do in this Ramadan... Any advice on how to survive?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• Find a therapist in your area to help you with the grief process.

• Approach Ramadan with your heart set on fulfilling how your husband would have wanted you to spend Ramadan.

• Try to create a Ramadan for yourself and your children that would have made your husband smile.

• Increase the time spent with family, sisters, social activities surrounding Ramadan.

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• Turn to Allah; complain and make du’aa’ to Him.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved husband. Surely, this is a very difficult time for you and the children, and as it’s only been a few months, you are still grieving because it is a relatively new loss.

It is difficult enough to deal with our own grief and sadness, but you are also dealing with your children’s as well.

I suggest dear sister that you find a therapist in your area to help you with the grief process as well as accessing your depression.

I am not sure how old the children are, but family therapy may be helpful as well.

In sha’ Allah, dear sister, I also encourage you to contact the imam of your mosque for support.

In sha’ Allah, he may have some useful words for you or can direct you to a sisters’ group for comfort for the loss of your husband and for support during Ramadan.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Sisters who are aware of your situation should make extra efforts to reach out to you and your children during Ramadan.

If there are no support groups at the Masjid, please do look on the internet for support groups for Muslim women who have lost their husbands.

Additionally, sister, approach Ramadan with your heart set on fulfilling how your husband would have wanted you to spend Ramadan.

Find a quiet place to sit, pray, and ask Allah (SWT) to grant ease and guide you through this saddest of times.

Think about your husband, sister. Ask yourself, what he would want me to do this Ramadan. What would his advice be?

Often times, when we lose our spouse, our best friend, our life partner, the grief consumes us to the point wherein we cannot remember how our spouse would have wanted us to carry on.

Try to create a Ramadan for yourself and your children that would have made your husband smile.

As Ramadan is a time of mercy, forgiveness, and seeking refuge from hellfire, it is also a time for drawing closer to Allah (SWT).

Try to use this most blessed month for getting closer to Allah (SWT) despite your grief; there will be many blessings in that, in sha’ Allah.

You may find that during Ramadan your grief may decrease as your worship increases.

Increase the time spent with family, sisters, social activities surrounding Ramadan.

Go to the mosque as much as you can to pray and partake in iftars and suhoor.

This, in sha’ Allah, may help with your feelings of loss.

Being alone all the time, isolated is not recommended.

You need your sisters at this time, the ummah, and the strength that comes from being around those who love Allah and love you and your children for the sake of Allah.

Allah is most merciful, sister, please do remember that, and as you know, this life is a test. I know these words cannot take away any pain. Only Allah (SWT) can do that as well as time.

However, the suggestions made can ease your grief and depression. You and your children are in our prayers sister.

We wish you a blessed and rewarding Ramadan,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.