In this counseling answer:
What kind of a man, especially a Muslim, would leave someone he supposedly loves if she got pregnant? Please think about this “relationship” sister and re-evaluate what it is that you seek in a husband. Sister, Allah (swt) loves those who seek forgiveness. He loves to forgive. So, please continue to draw close to Allah (swt). Make du’aa’ for His mercy and guidance. Have faith that He has forgiven you and move on with your life.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for trusting us with your most important concerns. I am sorry to hear about your situation of falling into zina and getting pregnant. Often times we think we have control over a situation when, in fact, due to our weak human nature we do not. Thus, as you know, Allah (swt) knows best. Allah (swt) set forth ways we should live and how to conduct ourselves to avoid falling into these tragic conditions. Not only is it disobedience to Allah (swt) as it is sinful, but it hurts us as well.
As we can see, Allah (swt) created us. Allah (swt) knows our weaknesses and, therefore, has set forth rules to help us avoid hurting ourselves and others.
Your “boyfriend’s” attitude towards your pregnancy is deplorable. What kind of a man, especially a Muslim, would leave someone he supposedly loves if she got pregnant? You stated you feared if you told him he would not marry you. Why? Was he not the other half who got you pregnant? Was he not the one who committed zina with you? Why would he expect to be exempt from the consequences? why would he not marry you if you were pregnant?
Sister, please think. You stated you both “loved and trusted each other so much”. This is not love or trust if he has such a backward view on taking responsibility. He got you pregnant. He should have been man enough to respond to your question with “I would be by your side, I would take responsibility”. But no, he indicated he would run off like a coward and probably would discard you.
Please think about this “relationship” sister and re-evaluate what it is that you seek in a husband. Do you really want someone who 1) commits haram acts with you instead of encouraging you to be chaste; 2) someone who will leave you when there is a serious issue? In sha’ Allah, sister, you will realize that you deserve someone better than him.
Now, I know you did not write to us about your relationship with him or the possibility that you two will marry. However, I feel it is my moral obligation to point out the deficits and danger in thinking about marrying someone who encourages you to sin and then would leave you cold alone. It would be sad to make two mistakes, the second being married to him.
Regarding if your fast was valid, according to AboutIslam’s scholar, “ A woman who has an abortion does not take the same ruling as that of a woman experiencing postpartum bleeding unless she delivers a fetus that is formed (that is, it has limbs or facial features). To begin with, it is important to note that if the aborted fetus is formed at the time of the abortion (spontaneous or otherwise), then the woman takes the same rulings as that of bleeding after childbirth”.
While I am not an Islamic scholar, we can look at the above ruling. As you had the abortion at about 8+ weeks, the following developmental stages are critical in determining your fasting and praying status. At 8 weeks, the fetus had the start of arms and legs, little fingers developed and the nose and upper lip were starting to grow. At 9 weeks, eyes are formed. At 10 weeks vital organs are beginning to function.
While I am not sure how long it took you to get the abortion once you found out at 8 weeks, based on fetal growth, it is safe to assume that the fetus was basically formed and you are to take the ruling to follow that of bleeding after childbirth. Therefore, to be on the safe side in sha’ Allah, you were not to resume praying until the bleeding has stopped. However, you may wish to consult an Islamic scholar concerning this as there are different fatwas and I am not sure at which week (stage of development) you had the abortion after you found out at 8 weeks.
We all sin, sister. We all make mistakes. You are not the first Muslim to get pregnant and abort, and you will not be the last. It is our human nature to fall into sin. Alhumdulillah that Allah (swt) loves us so much that He forgives us when we repent sincerely.
I see a beautiful, pious young woman who made a mistake. She was left alone and by herself to figure a way out through all the pain and remorse.You deserve better than this guy, sister. Please reconsider marrying him.
As far as telling him, well, as you have repented to Allah (swt), your sin is forgiven in sha’ Allah. Now you need to move on with your life. It is said that Allah (swt) covers our sins when we repent. We are not to bring them up again. Therefore, I would not recommend telling him. This is between you and Allah (swt). Once you sincerely repent and ask for forgiveness, you give it to Allah (swt). There is no need to tell others.
My dear precious sister, Allah (swt) loves us. Allah (swt) loves to forgive.
“By the One in Whose Hand my soul is! If you do not commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah will certainly forgive them.” (Muslim)
“Allah, the Exalted, has said: ‘O son of Adam! I shall go on forgiving you so long as you pray to Me and aspire for My forgiveness whatever may be your sins. O son of Adam! I do not care even if your sins should pile up to the sky and should you beg pardon of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam! If you come to Me with an earthful of sins and meet Me, not associating anything with Me in worship, I will certainly grant you as much pardon as will fill the earth.” (Tirmidhi)
As you can see sister, Allah (swt) loves those who seek forgiveness. He loves to forgive. So, please continue to draw close to Allah (swt). Make du’aa’ for His mercy and guidance. Have faith that He has forgiven you and move on with your life. Now that this sad episode is behind you, please look forward to a pious, wonderful life ahead, in obedience to Allah (swt). Surely, when we trust in Allah (swt) and are obedient, we are blessed with all things good and righteous.
We wish you the best,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.