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Young & Pregnant Out of Wedlock; Should I Abort?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Feb 13, 2017

Question

I need your advice regarding abortion. I’m in a relationship with a guy for a year. My parents don’t know about him yet as they live far away in another city. We’re both at collage, living in campus. My problem is that I coincidentally got pregnant and have no idea what to do. We cannot get married as we are still in collage. Our parents would refuse it right away. But I wouldn’t abort a child either, if I have the support. My boyfriend is the same way. But I called an abortion clinic not too long ago and made an appointment to get an abortion, but I’m scared and second guessing myself, mostly because I want to keep the baby, but we’re both too young and broke. I need someone’s opinion. Should I cancel the appointment, tell my parents, and keep my baby, or go through with the abortion?

Counselor

Answer


Young & Pregnant Out of Wedlock; Should I Abort?

Answer:

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,

This is a difficult situation you are in, therefore, it is understandable why you feel so confused about what to do. On the one hand, I am sure you are aware that abortion is not permissible in Islam. However, this pregnancy has come out of a haram relationship outside of marriage, and due to your situation, – being young, at college, without having the funds to support a child -, you’re contemplating abortion. Both options carries serious consequences; therefore, inevitably, the decision you feel you have to make is a difficult one.

Abortion is generally not accepted in Islam, except in the case of a mother whose life is seriously at risk. So, certainly, I can’t advise you to go forward with this as an option, but ultimately it is a choice that you have to make.

“Because of that, We decreed upon the Children of Israel that whoever kills a soul unless for a soul or for corruption [done] in the land – it is as if he had slain mankind entirely. And whoever saves one – it is as if he had saved mankind entirely…” (Qur’an, 5:32)

You could write out your two options along with reasons to go ahead with each and reasons not to. Think about the potential consequences of both options (both in this life and the next). Then, write a list of the most important things in your life and ask yourself how each of these options would impact on these things. What’s the worst that could happen in each scenario? Ask yourself, which of these options would Allah (swt) be most pleased with? Writing your options down like this will help you to assess your options more fully as well as their potential impact on your life. It helps you to visually see and assess them from a rational angle, keeping all important things in mind. You don’t have long to think about it, but certainly take some time to consider your options so that you don’t make a decision that you might later regret. Set your list aside and come back to it again over a couple of days and add to it as new thoughts come to your mind.

Having friends or family support during a time like this is crucial. In such a situation, it’s easy to make irrational decisions that you might later regret. Having a third party, who cares for you and offers you advice and support from a different angle that is set aside from your own present emotions, can be a huge assistance in making the best decision. It will also make you feel comforted emotionally that you have someone by your side. Perhaps, if there is someone in your family or among your friends whom you would feel more comfortable to discuss this issue with, talk to her before going to your parents. But maybe if your parents knew you are pregnant, they would be more supportive of a marriage. This is something for you to think about.

Whilst you are thinking about your options, keep in mind that from an Islamic perspective, we are encouraged to have children. Alhamdulillah, Allah (swt) has clearly blessed you with this ability when there are many women who are unable to.

“A man came to the Messenger of Allah and said: ‘I have found a woman who is from a good family and of good status, but she does not bear children, should I marry her?’ He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and he told him not to (marry her). Then he came to him a third time and he told him not to (marry her), then he said: ‘Marry the one who is fertile and loving, for I will boast of your great numbers.'” (Nasa’i)

Having a child might seem daunting prospect for anyone who gets pregnant for the first time because with children comes a big change in lifestyle. It may have a huge impact on your plans. It may be that if you chose to go ahead with the pregnancy, you might have to pause your studies for now, but you can always go back to them anytime if it’s not possible to complete them during pregnancy.

Regarding finances, yes, as students, financially providing for a child might be tough, but with the support of both families, it will be easier. Most importantly, remember Allah (swt) is the Provider.

“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.” (Qur’an, 17:31)

As an additional point, remember to seek repentance for being in a haram relationship. It is not permissible for a man and woman to be in contact alone outside of marriage because it can lead to exactly what has happened in your situation. Contact with him is not permitted, but as now you are having a child together, it is required in some form. Ensure any future contact with him is kept strictly halal and in the presence of a mahram.

May Allah (swt) forgive you and guide you to make the right decision that will be pleasing to Him and one that you will ultimately be content with.

Salam,

***

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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