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Will Allah Forgive Me for My Haram Relationship?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 14, 2018

Question

I am currently in a haram relationship. I know that this is wrong. I am trying to soon break it off with him, but I’m really scared as he genuinely loves me and he’s a non-Muslim, so he doesn’t understand that I just can’t marry him. If I break up with him, he will fall back into depression and I do not want that.

I’m also very scared that his mother will want to speak to my parents about it and my parents don’t know about our relationship, so this could destroy me.

If I pray and make dua to Allah to make it easy for me to break up with him and to lead me into the straight path, will He listen to my duas? Because although I’m asking Him for help, I’m still in this haram relationship, doing haram things.

I just don’t know what to do and if it’s worth praying even when I continue doing these haram things, but I just need Him to help me guide me to the right path.

Counselor

Answer


Will Allah Forgive Me for My Haram Relationship?

In this counseling answer:

• Ask Allah to forgive you for your haram behavior. Repent and promise yourself that you will not have anything more to do with this boy.

• It is his responsibility and his family’s responsibility to ensure that he does not fall into depression.


As-Salaamu Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand it, you’re currently in a haram relationship. You stated that you know this is wrong and that you were going to try to break it off. You mentioned that you feel scared because he genuinely loves you. You also acknowledged that you can’t marry him as he is not Muslim.

Based on what you have said, it seems you do have insight into this situation. From your question, I see that you are afraid to break up with him as he may fall back into depression and you don’t want that.

Pleasing Allah

Sister, the thing that really stands out to me is that you are engaging in a haram relationship which is compromising your relationship with Allah. You are a Muslim, he’s not. Therefore, my dear sister, you know you can’t marry him because he’s not Muslim. So, why would you even want to go there?

You state that you pray and make duaa to Allah to make it easy for you to break up with him and to lead you to the straight path again. This shows that you love Allah and seek to please Him, alhumdulilah.

Please, ask Allah to forgive you for your haram behavior. Repent and promise yourself that you will not have anything more to do with this boy. May Allah make it easy for you.

Responsibility

Regarding him falling back into depression, this is not your responsibility, nor your burden to carry. Yes, we care about people, but as you are not married to him nor are you even supposed to be a friend of his, this is not your responsibility.

It is his responsibility and his family’s responsibility to ensure that he does not fall into depression. At 17 years old, you should be focusing on school, your future career goals, family, and Islam. Those are your responsibilities at this point in your life.

Sister, I completely understand that you feel emotionally attached to him as you did get close to him. These are natural feelings and they’re normal. However, as you went about it in the wrong way and because he is not Muslim, you are best advised to leave the situation alone. It will be hard, yes, but the blessings in the rewards will be worth it.

Regarding his parents, if there’s a chance that his parents will tell your parents, then I highly advise you insha’Allah to inform your parents first before they do. It will not be comfortable or easy. In fact, it may come with some repercussions. However, it will be worse if they find out first from the boy’s parents and not from you. May Allah make this easy for you.

Stay Close to Allah

Sister, keep praying to Allah. We all sin, we all fall short and that is why we need Allah. Allah is most merciful and most forgiving, but we have to want to stop doing haram things. We have to want to strive to be better Muslims, which I’m sure you do. Never doubt Allah’s mercy,

Allah loves you, sister, and wants you to be on the right path and have a happy life. You have made a mistake and your emotions got involved. This is common, sister, you are not the first nor will you be the last.

Please do learn from this and guard your heart and guard your Islam.  There are many blessings to come, insha’Allah, when we follow Allah’s commands.

We wish you the best,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Can’t Stop This Haram Relationship

10 Tips on How to Quit Haram Relationships

Punished for Being in a Haram Relationship




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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