In this counseling answer:
“Trust your instincts, make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) for guidance and seek to keep things halal in all manners of getting to know a potential spouse.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. It is clear, dear sister, that you have been experiencing deep remorse for your relationship with this guy. The fact that you did not have feelings for him from the first time you met him should have been a clue that he was not for you. Yet, somehow you were enticed to believe that he was good or was going to change whatever behaviors that were haram. But he did not.
Sister, just because you did not have deep feelings for this guy does not mean you are heartless, regardless of what others say. It is your feelings – which were right. You should have followed your first instincts about him and left him alone, but you did not in the hopes that he would change.
Many sisters wait on brothers who promise to change, promise to do this or that, yet never do. Some waste a lifetime waiting. Alhumdulillah, you did not. You are not the first sister who has fallen for “sweet words and promises” and you won’t be the last, unfortunately. But alhumdulillah you saw through his words and withdrew from this relationship. Allah (swt) is most forgiving.
Sister, this relationship is now in the past. If you made sincere repentance to Allah (swt), please leave it in the past. I know it may be hard to move on, but please, in sha’ Allah, trust in Allah’s mercy, forgiveness, and love for you. You deserve so much better than this. Trust that Allah (swt) has forgiven you as He said He would and move on.
In the future, dear sister, please, trust your instincts, make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) for guidance and seek to keep things halal in all manners of getting to know a potential spouse.
Your past need not haunt you, my sister, for it is just that – the past. You have given it to Allah (swt) by seeking forgiveness so leave it with Allah (swt). Now move on while planning for a much brighter and happier future.
We wish you the best,
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