Perpetual Debate with My Fiancé: Is It a Sign? | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Pre-Marital Relationships > Perpetual Debate with My Fiancé: Is It a Sign?

Perpetual Debate with My Fiancé: Is It a Sign?

Questioner

Y

Reply Date

Oct 11, 2018

Question

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. Yes, I understand that in Islam it is wrong, and I am 100 percent sinful for that. However, I have never had any problems in my relationship and both families have been understanding. We are fully committed that we will marry each other no matter what. Everything has been going well for me. I recently graduated and I have always been a happy person.

Now my marriage talk is on the progress and both families are happy with it. Not having a dad, my brother has not been entirely on my side since my dad passed away. However, he is now doing the right thing by getting me married to someone I love. It has always been a big issue to get my brother on my side, but AlhamduliAllah he is now. On the other hand, I and my husband-to-be are always arguing nowadays even over minor things which do not even matter. I don't know whether this is a sign for me to let go of my relationship, or it's just not working out anymore! This makes me think about a million and one things and actually driving me crazy.

Before you claim that being in a relationship is haram, I understand that, but why are things going wrong when I am about to get married? I just want another point of view and what I should do next because I want to dishonor neither my family nor his family. And I don't want to feel that all was for nothing. I would really appreciate any advice or criticisms you give.

Counselor

Answer


Perpetual Debate with My Fiancé: Is It a Sign?

In this counseling answer:

“I would also highly recommend that the both of you participate in pre-marital counseling. The counseling will help the both of you put everything in perspective and talk about the really important issues, which is refreshing and reassuring after arguing over small issues. This suggestion is highly recommended, and I encourage the both of you to take advantage of this service.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. Contrary to what you mention, I am not interested in judging you whatsoever. You are an adult, you know what is right and what is wrong, and you have the freedom to choose how you want to live your life. This is, however, an Islamic-centered website, so we would have to mention if something is haram or not, and you have already mentioned it! I ask Allah to help the both of you follow what you believe is the truth and to keep you both steadfast in your faith.

In regards to your upcoming marriage, you mention that everything appears to be working well generally speaking. Both families are on the same page regarding the upcoming nuptials and have given you both their blessings. Now, the issue is that both you and your fiancé are arguing very often, even over small issues.


Check out this counseling video:


It is normal in many ways for this to happen. Planning a wedding and a future together is very stressful for most couples, especially if you plan to have a large wedding and/or other celebrations. Suddenly everything including the smallest and most meaningless issue becomes a big deal that has to be decided on. If your disagreements are centered on the wedding/celebrations, designate certain people to be in charge of specific things, including you and your fiancé. Know that not everything will be perfect for that special day and you just have to learn to prioritize what is really important to you and what is not, and let the other things go.

I would also highly recommend that both of you participate in pre-marital counseling. I understand that the both of you have been in a relationship for over 6 years, however, undergoing counseling before entering into marriage would still be a great investment for your future together.

The counseling will help the both of you put everything in perspective and talk about the really important issues, which is refreshing and reassuring after arguing over small issues. This suggestion is highly recommended, and I encourage the both of you to take advantage of this service.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Feel Dumb & Even My Fiancé Criticizes Me

Want a Lifelong Marriage? Get Pre-Marital Counseling!

Before You Say ‘I Do’ :10-Step Pre-Marriage Checklist

 




About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

Add Comment


find out more!