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Is This Love or Just Infatuation?

Questioner

R

Reply Date

Jan 02, 2018

Question

As-salamu alaikum. What is love in Islam? I admire this guy I know. I have talked to him over the phone and social media but have never met. I am attracted towards him for his certain qualities like intellectuality and smartness. What am I supposed to do knowing that he would say we don’t know each other much to make any decision if I confessed my feelings to him? I am confused with my own feelings. Is it love or it is just infatuation?

Counselor

Answer


Is This Love or Just Infatuation?

In this counseling answer:

“Islam only talks about halal relationships. Attraction towards the opposite sex must be then transformed into a lawful relationship (marriage). Thus, take some time and direct yourself towards a career and other responsibilities. If you are really serious about this guy, maybe you can talk to him about marriage and the possibility to meet in a halal way. See how he reacts. Only then, you will get to know about his opinion, seriousness, and willingness on this matter and then you can take things forward accordingly.”


Dear Sister,

Adolescence is a time during which individuals often get attracted to members of the opposite sex. Their habits, behaviors, and routine often inspire people to such an extent that they often refer to it as love. Looking at your situation, do you really think that you are in love with this person? Are you aware of his routine, his daily activities, his family, and friends? His qualities might move you but sister, you have not even met him. Think again, is this love?

In addition, you are only 18. There is a lot to discover in life. Therefore, concentrate on your studies, make friends and involve yourself in activities. This is certainly not the time to assess the seriousness of love and the status of your relationship. If things had been in a more serious direction, the boy would have certainly asked you to meet. Once again, do you know this person enough that you can trust him and go out to meet? We all know how cruel and unsafe the world is.

While talking about Islam, it teaches us modesty and piety. When it comes to attraction, Islam talks about being at a distance because of certain sinful consequences that people get into. Islam lays strict rules when it comes to the relationship between the opposite genders and their connection is bounded by limits in Islam. This is stated in the Holy Quran in the following words:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: this will be most con­ducive to their purity – (and,) verily, God is aware of all that they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity, and not to display their charms (in public) beyond what may (decently) be apparent thereof.”(An-Nur 24:30-31)

Therefore, Islam only talks about halal relationships. Attraction towards the opposite sex must be then transformed into a lawful relationship (marriage). Thus, take some time and direct yourself towards a career and other responsibilities. If you are really serious about this guy, maybe you can talk to him about marriage and the possibility to meet in a halal way. See how he reacts. Only then, you will get to know about his opinion, seriousness, and willingness on this matter and then you can take things forward accordingly. But before you talk to him, clear your mind about how you want the things to happen and then take the desired step. Maybe, this guy takes you as a friend and has other aims to achieve before settling down. If that is the case, maybe you can convince him for nikkah and then carry on with your plans. So whatever the case is, you really need to first be sure about the feelings you have for this guy and in order to make things official, you must talk and discuss it with him.

May Allah help you make the right decision,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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