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My Long Distance Relationship

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Nov 12, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Alikom. I have been in a relationship with a girl from another country since 2011. I love her a lot; she is a Muslim too but does not practice Islam. We've both started walking on the road of Islam in order to have a good life in the future, insha'Allah, although we've never met in person. We only talk to each other over the phone or on the internet.

We have many problems in our lives with our parents and friends because they do not consider our relationship real as we've never met. Due to all the problems, now this girl wants to leave me, and I am unable to go there where she lives because I cannot afford it financially. I want that you tell me the best possible way to get some financial support from Allah so I can have this girl, and also that she will practice Islam. Please, help me. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


My Long Distance Relationship

In this counseling answer:

“If you really depend on God, then everything will fall into its proper place and be made clear to you. Take the means you can, but do not get attached to “what you want”; be open to the “whatever is best” principle. Trust in God and instead of asking Him to give you what you want, make du’a to receive from Him what is best for you.”


As-Salaam ’Alikum brother,

I understand that you have a lot of feelings for this sister and that long distance is a difficult situation. To be honest with you brother, I have found that long distance relationships are unlikely to work out. I do not deny your claims of being in love with this sister, but there is a reality to being in a person’s actual presence that digital video screens can never capture. You are only twenty years old and your heart is still tender. You might be confusing between attachment and attraction with love.

I cannot advise you on how to financially improve yourself in your country since I do not live there. Generally calling upon God’s names of Al Razaq (The Most Provider) and Al Ghani (The Richest) are good practices to have in your life when you need more financial support. Obviously finishing school or working are all paths to get financially independent.

Since you cannot afford to visit the sister and her family right now and you feel serious about your choice to marry her, you might offer a target date to visit and propose. That way the sister won’t feel like she is waiting in ambiguity. Once you set a target date, make it a goal to have the money to fly to where she is. If you cannot make the money to visit her, then pragmatically speaking you are not ready to get married. Marriage is not just a halal relationship; it requires you to support another human being economical, emotionally, mentally and physically.


Check out this counseling video:


This experience may work out and it may not work out. If you really depend on God, then everything will fall into its proper place and be made clear to you. Take the means you can, but do not get attached to “what you want”; be open to the “whatever is best” principle. Trust in God and instead of asking Him to give you what you want, make du’a to receive from Him what is best for you. Until you can really internalize this, you are functioning from the ego’s desires. Maybe this sister is not a good fit for you, in the long run, that’s why things are becoming difficult and God is protecting you. Maybe she is a good potential and with your efforts, things will work out. All we can do as humans is try hard and trust that what is best will occur, inshallah.

God bless you in your efforts brother and do not despair; ultimately if you put God first and take practical measures, He will provide for you inshallah; either this sister or another one on the horizon.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting

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