In this counseling answer:
“If you feel that your fiancé will be a critical spouse, one that is unhappy with what you have to offer but rather pushes you to be someone you are not, then you may have to give this union more thought.”
Wa `Alaykum As-Salaam,
I commend you for having a balanced approach to your circumstances and seeing the positives in a situation as well as the negatives.
You are correct in that we all have shortcomings and none of us is perfect. However, having our own flaws means that we do not judge another due to their flaws. It does not mean that we have to cheerfully put up with poor treatment.
From the little that you describe of your fiancé, it seems that both of you have differing values. If he values dancing/singing to the point of him declaring you “untalented”, then I feel that he has spoken volumes in just saying that.
Though marriage was not always a romantic, love-based union, it is now. Thus, most of us look to have certain needs fulfilled within a marriage. Most of us want to support, love, and acceptance. It seems that you are not getting these.
Needless Criticism Is Abuse
If you feel that your fiancé will be a critical spouse, one that is unhappy with what you have to offer but rather pushes you to be someone you are not, then you may have to give this union more thought. (Consider, there is a difference between pushing one to be their best and pushing someone to change altogether).
I do not mean to scare you, but needless criticisms can turn into verbal and emotional abuse if it is not met with assertive retaliation. Abuse is when a partner tries to control another by any means – criticisms, manipulation, neglect etc.
Rethink the Situation
From what you have described your fiancé, he may be better than ‘most men’, but he doesn’t seem to be what you are looking for which doesn’t make you ungrateful. It just means you are aware of your needs and emotions.
I would recommend that you deeply reflect what it is you want out of marriage and write a list of these things. After you’ve made this list, write down what needs/wants you to feel your fiancé will be able to provide for you.
You may need to talk to him more. This can be done with a chaperone present. You are not married yet and thus still have time to rethink your decision, which is what it seems like you are doing.
May Allah help you!
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.