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Shall I Marry Her as Second Wife?

25 March, 2017
Q As-Salamu Aleikom. Please, I need an urgent advice for my question related to my life. I am married for seven years blessed with 2 lovely children who I love a lot, but recently, a lady has entered in my life, and we got engaged as I started loving her as well. Now, she is insisting on the marriage, and I am also interested, but afraid that I may lose many things. My wife would never accept to marry another woman, and I don't want to cheat the other lady either. Her parents agreed to marry me. Please, advise me whether I need to forget her or marry her.

Answer

Answer:

Salamu Alaikum Brother,

You seem desperate to know what to do in your situation. The answer lies with asking yourself the following question: “What am I willing to sacrifice in my life?” Are you willing to sacrifice the trust and love of your wife of seven years with whom you have two children to this new woman, or are you willing to sacrifice the beginning of a new relationship with another woman?

The issue regarding polygamy is not whether it is halal or haram – we know that it is halal. However, one must honestly ask himself why he desires another wife. Will this decision have a positive impact on him and his family? Is he willing to take full responsibility (both emotionally and physically) of this new relationship?

You mentioned that you have a happy marriage with your current wife of seven years. My questions are: why did you emotionally open yourself to the possibility of having a relationship with another woman if you knew that it would immensely hurt your wife? Why did you allow yourself to get engaged to another woman if you aren’t sure that you intend to marry her?

It appears that you haven’t been completely honest and transparent with either of these women. I’m sure honesty and transparency is a quality that you wish any person, who has a close relationship with you, should have.

My advice to you would be to take a step back and re-examine the type of person you want to be. Honestly examine your thoughts and feelings regarding your current marriage, your relationship with this other woman, and pinpoint where you were wrong, and where you were right. At this point, whatever decision you will make, one of these women will get hurt. You need to think about what is more important in your life and make the decision that is best for you and for everyone.

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Salam,

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About Aliah F. Azmeh
Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.