One day I was walking and an African Sunnah Muslim Leader approached me. He told me he saw my aura and was drawn to me. We dug in deep and asked the hard questions. He told me he is married, but can have up to four wives.
We have amazing chemistry. We have since fallen in love but it's only been a little over a month and we have already started a business together. We have so much in common and we feel we are soul mates because we are drawn to each and can talk for hours without realization. He's an extremely busy businessman but we text all day just about every day.
He asked me to give myself to him and I agreed. He said we are "informally" married now and I belong to him. We have not had intercourse. He said we are waiting because that's spiritual and once we do we will become one.
But we have done other sexual things. He has told me he wants to help with paying my house note and help raise my son. He agreed to get me a promise ring as long as I agreed to certain things.
What should I make of this? Is this real? Will he ever marry me in the traditional Sunnah Muslim way? Or am I just a new age concubine?
Answer
.In this counseling answer:
The only being that you belong to is God alone.
There is no such thing as ‘informal marriage’ vs. ‘formal marriage’. The only form of marriage is the Islamic marital contract, called the nikah.
You should leave this man immediately. But also use this experience as an opportunity to learn more about Islam.
Hello/ Salaam!
Thank you for reaching out to us at AboutIslam.net.
The situation you have described is extremely disturbing and goes against every Islamic ethic regarding opposite gender interaction, sexual relationships, and marriage.
This individual is either a cunning, manipulating predator who is preying upon your naivety to take advantage of you in a myriad of ways or a delusional person who clearly needs some medical help.
No Aura in Islam
In Islam, we do not believe in seeing people’s “auras”. While we do believe in the concept of the Ghayb (the Unseen), auras are definitely not a part of that.
Those who usually speak of such things are either suffering from mental health issues or more insidiously, engaged in some kind of interaction with the Shayateen (devils) of the Jinn that involves a great deal of disbelief and sinfulness.
No Sexual Relationship Outside Marriage
Secondly, Islam categorically prohibits any sexual relationships or behavior outside of the bond of marriage.
Whether it is kissing, oral sex, or full-blown intercourse, any and all such sexually intimate actions are categorically forbidden for any Muslim to do with someone who is not their spouse.
There is no such thing as ‘informal marriage’ vs. ‘formal marriage’.
The only form of marriage is the Islamic marital contract, called the nikah, which must be performed with a wali (guardian) who will represent you and your best interests, and two witnesses.
No man can simply decide that you are now his ‘informal’ wife. You are not his concubine.
Islam has given women rights and safeguards to prevent men from taking advantage of us in any way – whether financially or sexually.
Any man who tries to violate this is committing a grave and severe sin for which they will be punished in the Hereafter unless they sincerely repent.
Check out this counseling video:
No Women Belongs to a Man
Finally, the claim that this man has made that you “belong” to him is completely and utterly wrong. No woman ever “belongs” to a man.
If any man tries to tell you that, my only advice is: run. Run fast, run hard, run the other way, and don’t look back, ever.
The only being that you belong to is God alone.
No man can ever lay such a claim on you, and you should never listen to such a man.
As a woman, you deserve so much better than men who claim to love you, yet feel that they are somehow entitled to you.
To be blunt, this man seems to be manipulating you in order to have an Islamically illegal sexual relationship with you, as well as possibly scamming you out of your finances.
I don’t know the details of the “business” that you spoke of, but in light of the rest of your situation, it looks very, very bad.
Having said all of that, the message that I want to leave you with is that Islam itself is very different from everything that this man has presented you with.
Islam is not about men – it is about God, and your relationship with God. Clearly, there is a spiritual void that you are seeking to fill, and it may be that God is bringing you to that which will give you the healing and the inner fulfillment that you crave.
My advice is that you should leave this man immediately.
But also use this experience as an opportunity to learn more about Islam, to develop your own spiritual growth, and inshaAllah to accept Islam with all your heart.
Islam is an incredibly beautiful way of life, one which seeks to honor you as an individual and as a woman, which centers God as the source of all goodness.
By focusing on knowing God and creating a personal, spiritual relationship with God, one based on love and worship, we will become stronger, healthier, and happier individuals with a true sense of purpose in our lives.
The Qur’an tells us:
{Say, “Indeed, my Lord has guided me to a straight path – a correct religion – the way of Abraham, inclining toward truth. And he was not among those who associated others with Allah.” Say, “Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds. No partner has He. And this I have been commanded, and I am the first [among you] of the Muslims.”} (Qur’an 6:161-163)
May God help you,
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