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My Parents’ Insults Hurt Me

Questioner

M

Reply Date

Oct 26, 2018

Question

Assalam-o-Alaikum. My parents insult me in front of other people. I really feel bad. Sometimes I tell them that I don't like it, but they do not listen and my father starts abusing me. It's been happening since I was a little kid. Now I am 22.

This has badly affected my self-respect. I have very low self-esteem, and due to this, I have lost my confidence and faith. It feels like nothing will be fine. I will not be fine ever. I try to tolerate it and be nice to my parents, but sometimes it's beyond what I can patiently bear and as a result, I mistreat them. I complain about them to my aunts and cousins. I know I should not do this and I really don't feel good, but sometimes I feel I have become a totally different person. I complain to Allah. Why does He do this to me? He says that He loves me more than 70 mothers, so why He didn't care when I was a little kid and was being treated badly?

My personality has been damaged and I really feel helpless. I always look for love from other people as my parents haven’t shown love and affection towards me. I don't know why this is happening to me. I am angry with Allah. I am sorry If I am being disrespectful. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


My Parents' Insults Hurt Me

In this counseling answer:

“As far as the way your parents treat you, there must be a reason for it. Talk to them. I know you have done that before, but there isn’t any harm in doing it again. Maybe they are going through a big dilemma or maybe they have some relationship issues. Maybe they are unable to disclose it to you and are rather adopting such a behavior. Look at the things that could bother them. What behavior do you adorn that triggers such a response from their end.”


Wa ’Aleikom Salam sister,

Thank you for confiding in us. I am sorry that you have been going through a hard time for long. Indeed, Allah loves humans more than 70 mothers. So, you are not supposed to doubt His love and kindness.

As far as the way your parents treat you, there must be a reason for it. Talk to them. I know you have done that before, but there isn’t any harm in doing it again. Maybe they are going through a big dilemma or maybe they have some relationship issues. Maybe they are unable to disclose it to you and are rather adopting such a behavior. Look at the things that could bother them. What behavior do you adorn that triggers such a response from their end?

You mentioned that you have discussed this problem with your other relatives. Well, first talk to your parents, then if you cannot do, seek help from your elder siblings. Maybe they can talk to your parents. If not, you can confide in an elderly who can talk to your parents, making all of you sit and reach a solution. It is all right to seek help from a third person when you cannot solve the issue by yourself!

In case of physical abuse, please do not hesitate to call the child abuse/domestic violence hotline in your country. By a simple Google search, you will easily find it.

Remember, things do not always happen as we wish, but they always happen for a reason. Even if we cannot see it, Allah knows the wisdom behind it.

“Verily, Allah knows the hidden things of the heavens and earth and Allah sees whatever you do.” (49:18)

Allah tests us by different means and our duty is to be patient. But besides hard times, there are so many things in life to be thankful for. Count your blessings – maybe write them down in a notebook – and stop focusing on the wrong. This will eventually boost your self-confidence and faith, in sha’ Allah. You do not need a word from the person sitting next to you; you yourself should be well aware of your skills and should be proud of your abilities.


Check out this counseling video:


In the meantime, show love to your parents. They love you. Maybe you are seeing things from a different perspective. For instance, if parents instruct their child not to go to a particular place, children often consider this synonymous to being badly treated. Children fail to see the motive behind the actions of their parents. Is that your case, too?

Try doing things for your parents. Bring small gifts. Maybe surprise them with a cake you made by yourself. Tell them you love them. In sha’ Allah, everything will be fine.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Do You Have Abusive Parents? Here Are 4 Things You Can Do

Abusive Parents: Enough is Enough!

How to Forgive My Abusive Parents & the Muslim Community?




About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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