In this counseling answer:
“I ask you, dear sister, to try not to focus on your father as it will be a never-ending sadness and will drain you emotionally. Sometimes, there just isn’t an answer and that is okay. We just have to be stronger than the hate and pain, which I believe you are. I ask that in sha’ Allah you move on with your life and embrace all the beautiful qualities and abilities that make you ‘you’.”
As-Salamu ‘Alakum dear sister,
I am so sad to hear of your father’s rejection of you and your mother, as well as the abuse she endured.
While I know this is not going to be what you may want to hear, possibly his leaving and his refusal to be a part of your life was for the best. As he was an abusive man, who knows what could have happened if he had stayed.
With that said, your father has committed seriously haram acts in Islam by beating your mom, leaving you, not providing support and cutting you off. Allah will deal with him. I know you feel you hate him, and with every right.
Often times, however, behind hate is a deep pain and sadness, so severe that it turns into hate. In essence dear sister, what you may be feeling is a hatred of his behaviors, rejections, and abuse. It is not wrong to hate what Allah hates; however, I ask you to separate the actions from the father figure. While many children go through rejection from one or more parents, it is, indeed, a fact that they were born due to their parents.
I ask you to respect that fact and to respect he and your mom brought you into this world. While in Islam you are not to disrespect him, you do not have to condone his vile and hurtful behaviors either. Just know that his abusive behaviors and his rejection have nothing to do with you.
While we do not know what causes parents to hurt and/or leave their children (mental illness, addictions, etc), we can only defeat our feelings of hatred by moving forward and living a happy, pious, fulfilling life. That is the best outcome when someone hurts us or rejects us – to become the best we can be despite their wicked ways.
I ask you, dear sister, to try not to focus on your father as it will be a never-ending sadness and will drain you emotionally. Sometimes, there just isn’t an answer and that is okay. We just have to be stronger than the hate and pain, which I believe you are. I ask that in sha’ Allah you move on with your life and embrace all the beautiful qualities and abilities that make you ‘you’.
I ask in sha’ Allah that you focus on a happy life with your family who are present and leave the past in the past. I suggest dear sister that you possibly get involved in some Islamic groups and activities which are upbuilding and encouraging. While I do not know how old you are, it may also be beneficial in sha’ Allah to seek out Muslim groups for children who live in single-family homes.
In the USA, for example, children living with only one parent in cases similar to yours have the resources in some areas to connect with others who are in similar situations and build relationships with each other for not only social times but Islamic learning and understanding. Lastly, the most important is to stay close to Allah; make du’aa’ for healing and pray that Allah grants ease for your precious heart and relieves you from these feelings which are harming you.
Please, let us know how you are doing dear sister. Move forward, let go of the pain and hate and free yourself from the damages your father has done. You do not have to live in that shadow.
You are in our prayers.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.