In this counseling answer:
I urge you, in sha’ Allah, to speak with the psychologist about your options. Continue asking her to go for an evaluation and possibly offering a reward as recommended.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum brother,
I am sorry to hear of your most difficult situation at home and with your wife. May Allah (swt) reward you for your patience, kindness, and dedication considering the circumstances. It sounds as if she does need to be evaluated by a clinician, however as you stated, she refuses.
From what you described, she seems paranoid at a time and is prone to angry outburst as well as she “seems to be in another world”. Brother, you may want to speak with one of the psychologists whom you consulted with previously and see if there is any way to get her into treatment by a medical order. I am not sure where you are living, but in the USA, if someone is a danger to themselves or others, they can be admitted against their will for evaluation.
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The Treatment Advocacy Center states “Some people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder refuse treatment. The main reason they do so is that they have no awareness of their illness and do not think that they are sick; this is called anosognosia. Some people who refuse treatment can be persuaded to accept it by patiently working with them or by offering them a reward if they do so.“ While I do not know if your wife is suffering from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia (only a clinician who assesses her can determine) you did say she feels there is nothing wrong and she does not need treatment. This is common in some mental disorders wherein there is a distortion of reality. If this is not the case, it could be that she does know something is wrong, yet she feels ashamed.
In any case brother, I urge you, in sha’ Allah, to speak with the psychologist about your options; continue asking her to go for an evaluation and possibly offering a reward as recommended. This is known as the reward system, which some people respond to favorably. Lastly dear brother, do take care of yourself, possibly join a support group for Spouses of the Mentally Ill; get out and socialize with friends; engage in a sport, hobby, as well as spending quality time with your children. The process of getting help for your wife may be tedious, and you and your children need a reprieve from the daily stress that comes from taking care of and dealing with someone who is mentally ill.
I would suggest taking the children to the mosque often in order to continue their Islamic ties both educationally as well as socially, and for yourself as well. Our brothers and sisters in Islam can be a great support. Make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) that He grants ease and mercy for your family, and He (swt) heals your wife from her condition.
Please let us know how you are doing brother. You are in our prayers.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.