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I Can’t Stop Lying to My Husband!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 17, 2018

Question

Salam. I have been through a lot. I got diagnosed with a major depressive disorder. Through my last marriage, I learned to lie in order to keep myself safe. Now, this affects my new marriage and my husband wants a divorce. I told him I would never lie to him again and sought help. But he doesn’t give me any time; he doesn’t talk to me and wants me to move out.

I told him I am really sorry, and he knows my ex and how he affected me, but still, he just wants to give up. I feel so worthless now. His so-called brothers of Islam are telling him to divorce me and telling him I'm psycho. His last wife left him because she felt he was mentally abusing her.

Counselor

Answer


I Can't Stop Lying to My Husband!

In this counseling answer:

“You might like to first keep your distance, give him a bit of space, and let him cool down a bit. When things are calmer, you can be alone with him in a peaceful environment, approach him, and talk gently about the matter and see if you are able to resolve things.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,

Alhamdulilah, I am pleased that you have stepped forward to seek a diagnosis and assistance with your problems. This is the first step towards your recovery, in sha’ Allah. You realize why you developed a habit of lying and recognize that it is wrong and have promised to change. Ma sha’ Allah, sister, even though you face a difficult situation you are managing it in a positive way.

I know you have said that your husband won’t give you the time to talk things through. You might like to first keep your distance, give him a bit of space, and let him cool down a bit. When things are calmer, you can be alone with him in a peaceful environment, approach him, and talk gently about the matter and see if you are able to resolve things.


Check out this counseling video:


If there is nothing that you can do to convince your husband not to divorce, then just accept it as the Will of Allah. I know this might sound too easy given that you have already been through the pain of a divorce, but Allah knows best. If you are firm in the knowledge that Allah is working with your best interests, then know that there are better times ahead for you.

You say that your husband’s last wife left him because he was mentally abusing her. Maybe a divorce then would save you from the same potential outcome and even more pain in your relationship. Perhaps Allah wants to save you from this. Be confident in the knowledge that Allah will not test you beyond what you can bear and will only let things happen for the best possible reason, in sha’ Allah.

May Allah give you the strength to move forward whatever the outcome of your marriage and may He give you the confidence to trust in His ultimate wisdom.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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