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My Wife Left Me & Took My Little Son

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 11, 2017

Question

As-Salamu Aleikom. I need some advice. I married a revert lady. After having some disagreements, she took everything and left. I turn to Allah in these hard times, Alhamdulillah. After I told her how we should handle our son in the future despite our separation, to my shock, she texted me yesterday night writing that our baby was no longer mine and she changed his name from Yusuf to Leon; that I should mind my business, and she was ready to go to the court. Did she really convert to Islam or it was just a trick? How could she change my son’s beautiful name to Leon? SubhanAllah!

Counselor

Answer


My Wife Left Me & Took My Little Son

Answer:

As-Salaam ’Alikum brother,

It seems you are in an unfortunate situation and I would like to address your concerns in a few ways.

Only Allah knows if your wife is truly in line with her faith. Sometimes people convert for marriage or because they think it will please their partner, and when things go sour, they package the partner and religion into one basket and say “I am done with you and Islam.” If this is the case, it may suggest that their religion was an extension of the relationship identity rather than sincerely for the sake of Allah.

If this is your first separation, it may be a phase that your wife is going through and only time and her actions will tell. Sometimes, when people are hurt and upset, they do and say things to get back at their partners and since you identify with Islam, she may be using it to hurt you and threaten you by giving the impression that you have no right to your child. This could be a strategy with naming your son “Leon” as it is a way to poke at you and Islam. However, legally, unless there is sufficient evidence, she cannot keep you away from your son, nor expect that you will have no part in his life.

It is unclear to me why you separated and what exactly happened; however, in marital distress, it is important to seek professional support and guidance. Having a 3rd party’s help with resolution is important and necessary as the two of you are highly charged with emotions. Try your best to gently invite your wife to do couple’s counseling as you may be able to resolve your differences. Once you two are in a safer place with each other relationally, you can explore the value and need for Islam in your lives.

If your wife is not open to marriage counseling, I would advise you to try to keep things civil as a law suit with custody battles is never an easy or compassionate road. Try getting trusted family or friends to help from each side to keep things balanced. It is very disturbing when parents use children as pawns to get back at each other or hurt one another. The child should not be used in such a manner and both of you should be sensitive to this as it will not solve anything, but only make things worse.

May Allah guide you and your wife to the most peaceful resolution in your time of difficulty, Amin.

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About Karim Serageldin

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting


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