Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,
As you know, Allah created sex not only for procreation but to fulfill humankind’s need for intimacy, but there are well-known consequences if a person engages in unlawful relationships, which include unwanted pregnancies, STD’s, family breakdown, and so on. The holy Quran considers extra-marital sexual relationships as a great sin.
“Nor come closer to illicit sexual intimacy for it is a shameful and immoral, opening the door (to other immorality).” (Quran 17:32)
My first advice for you brother is to be away from temptations and cut off all ties with your FWB. In fact, it does not bring any benefit to you; once the momentum goes away, the heaviness of your sin will take over any temporary pleasure you might achieve. Assuming that adultery is out of the question, let’s address the pornography issue.
The major psychological damage caused by pornography is the loss of interest in real life sexuality. Porn uses images to arouse the viewer, showing unrealistic relationships and triggering the person to create unrealistic expectations around his/her sexual life.
By watching porn and masturbating, you are simply allowing images to fulfill your needs and consume your mind and heart. It is an addiction, and is as repulsive and dangerous as any other drug abuse. Over the time, those images will become engraved in your heart and mind, and those sights will remain in your thoughts in any moment of your day, maybe when you are praying or even when you are with your wife. You will end up bringing a third party to your marital life. It is clearly an unhealthy practice that has too many consequences to list here.
There is no simple advice to overcome an addiction Brother, Shaitan will be always attempting to destroy the believers. Every time you feel the “need” to watch porn and commit a sin, seek refuse with Allah:
“And if an evil suggestion comes to you from Satan, then seek refuge in Allah Indeed, He is Hearing and Knowing.” (Sura 7:200)
I would recommend you to avoid unnecessary use of Internet. Use your computer exclusivity for what is necessary. You can get pornography filters for your internet as well. This will block any sites with sexual content. As soon as you finish your schoolwork, shut it down and engage in healthier activities, exercising for example. You can also consider fasting as the Sunnah teaches us that this lowers the sexual drive. Another good way to avoid the temptation is using your computer in public spaces. This way you can focus on your means, and it will make it hard for you to think about pornography. I often suggest to my clients a program available at http://purifyyourgaze.com/. It is a safe space for Muslims to overcome unwanted sexual behavior.
Regarding your school performance, as soon as you dedicate more time to your classes and less to this sexual behavior, you will find peace and will be able to focus on what really matters now – to get your degree and go back to your wife. I understand that living aboard far from your wife is a challenge, especially when we are newly married, but trust in God and be patience. Maybe find a part time job that allows you more finances to visit your wife or consider finding a means to bring your wife to live with you. In any case brother, be strong and might Allah guide you to the best options.
Salam,
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