Answer
Answer:
Wa `Alaikum As-Salaam,
Thanks for your question. Your question seems to be a social critique on the way men interact with women and the way this impacts your personal relationship with your wife. I am assuming that you are from the Middle-East (from the question) and your wife is not. I know, from experience, that men in the Middle-East do stare at “foreign” women. From what I’ve heard this is for many reasons;
- Western media and the image that western women are loose
- General segregation in the middle east and men staring at women because they do not know how to deal with the opposite sex
- Staring is not as rude as is custom in some of the middle eastern countries as it is in the west
There may be more reasons. I think it would be good for you to try to understand some of these reasons so you can understand the behavior. It seems that you are feeling that you are a representative of the way people behave in your country. It is true that we tend to generalize others based on their affiliations, but it is also important that we understand that people aren’t responsible for the behaviors of others in their home country. What I mean is that your wife and in-laws should be mature enough to understand that you are different from what they see in your home country. If they aren’t and you are feeling embarrassed, this seems to be an issue beyond what you’ve stated.
You also need to understand that you can’t control other people’s behavior, not your wife’s and not the other men in zour country. Trying to control your wife’s dressing and going out will lead to many problems in your marriage. Ironically, this will also make your behavior similar to the people you are criticizing.
Be yourself; let your wife and family appreciate you for who you are, not where you are from. There are wonderful things to enjoy about your culture and you should enjoy those things and let them enjoy those things too. For the things that bother you, just say that you don’t agree with them and empathize with your wife for having to go through it. Be there to support her and help her navigate the new culture. Fighting with her about things that are bothering you isn’t fair to her or to you.
Salam,
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