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Married to a Liar; Shall I Divorce?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 27, 2018

Question

Assalamu Alaikum. We are in a tough situation. My daughter's husband has lied on few occasions and swears by Quran that he did not do that act.

She has been married for two years recently things got worse, and something was exposed to him on the social media. He denied it and swore by Allah that he did not do it.

My daughter is intending to end this relationship because she cannot trust him and he lies while swearing by Allah. She acknowledges her faults, but she cannot come to the terms of such a person who is not honest. Jazaak Allahkhair.

Counselor

Answer


Married to a Liar; Shall I Divorce?

In this counseling answer:

• If your son-in-law is truly lying, he needs help.

• Talk to him alone.

• Pray to Allah about these matters before making a final decision.

• Encourage them to seek marriage counseling.


As-Salamu Alaykum dear brother,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand, your son-in-law has allegedly told some lies and swore on the Qur’an that he did not do it.  The discovery of his alleged acts was exposed on social media and once this happened, he denied he did it.

Swearing on the Qur’an

As you know, “swearing” by Allah or on the Qur’an about a truth is a very serious issue. While I am not an Islamic scholar, I do know there are consequences for not only lying but lying on the word of Allah.

I kindly suggest for a more in-depth Islamic response to this issue that you seek the advice of our scholars in the section “Ask the Scholars”. 

Social Media-the Power of Connecting

Social media is often a horrendous platform for scandals. While it can be good for keeping in touch with families, catching up on community events or reading from Islamic forums, it is often a tool to cause division and drama.

Brother, while the relationship is not good for your daughter and her husband, I would kindly suggest that you request further proofs from whoever exposed the acts on social media. I would, of course, suggest doing this in private due to the sensitive nature of this issue.

While the allegations on social media may be correct, if they are not correct you need to know the truth. Taking a social media post for truth can be dangerous if not backed by witnesses or other evidence.

While I am not sure what was exposed or in what context, I cannot state whether or not it is a reliable source. For instance, if someone makes a video of themselves drinking alcohol at a party, laughing and talking, yes, that is a solid proof. If some posts a statement saying “Ahmed (last name) is my boyfriend and he is leaving his wife” is not a solid proof but is a third person account.

As only you know, brother, what was posted, only you can make the determination as to whether or not this social media post needs further validation.

Lying

If your son-in-law is truly lying, brother, he needs help. For someone, to lie on Allah’s name is a serious matter and usually, no Muslim would dare do that. Therefore, I can kindly suggest that he has severe mental health issues which prevent him from thinking rationally, or he is thinking rationally but has lost his fear of Allah as well as his practice of Islam.

I would kindly suggest brother that you talk with him alone. Try to get to the bottom of whatever it is that is going on. At that point, you will be able to make a reliable decision as to whether you feel your daughter needs to divorce him or if he truly needs help.

Truth-Seeking

I would kindly suggest insha’Allah that either way it goes; you encourage your daughter to pray to Allah about these matters before making a final decision. Often times there can be marital problems and outsiders who are aware can inflate the issues.

On the other hand, spouses trying to conceal haram deeds who are exposed on social media may go to great lengths to deny their guilt.

Please, do try to gather further evidence if needed; talk to your son-in-law if you are able. Encourage your daughter to pray to Allah for guidance and for the truth to be revealed. If it is the case that they do try to work it out, marriage counseling should be initiated.

If she does decide to divorce him based on his lying, his swearing by Allah and the Qur’an then she is within her rights.

We wish you the best, brother,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Is It OK to Lie About Faith to Convert Others?

Beware of These Little White Lies!

I Can’t Stop Lying to My Husband!




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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