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Jailed by My Ex; I Want Revenge

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 10, 2019

Question

As-Salamu Alaikum. I have some problems. I have been married twice. I got entangled in a legal problem with my first wife whom I married in 2006. I was in love with a girl then and had some inner problems as well. The marriage ended in divorce and I got remarried with another girl. Alhamdulillah I'm happy with her, however I was jailed by my x wife and in-laws, charging me for domestic violence and dowry harassment.

The scars of the separation have haunted me so much that I'm unable to be as normal as before. I know there's Allah's wisdom behind all this. I feel like taking revenge against my ex-father in law. I have been taking antidepressants for years, and I am going on well. My ex-wife sincerely apologized to me; however, I feel I should do something to her father who was behind imprisoning me. He didn't even show the remorse sense of guiltiness in doing so. I'm a doctor in a governmental hospital and whenever anger strikes me I feel like going to his place which is about 600 km from my place and counter him, but I haven't done so. Sometimes, I look out for persons who could kidnap him. I don't know what to do.

I am writing this in mere frustration. I have mental problems since 2001. I took medications for a while, and I need company as well like good Muslim friends. I'm doing my post graduation in a faraway place, and I miss my friends whom I can share my issues.

Counselor

Answer


Jailed by My Ex; I Want Revenge

In this counseling answer:

• Seek help immediately for your mental health issues from a professional in your area.

• Revenge is Allah’s (swt) and holding on to hateful feelings, revengeful desires, or other harmful thoughts towards self or others is emotionally dangerous.


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear brother,

I am sorry to hear about what your x wife and in-laws did to you. However, revenge is Allah’s (swt) and holding on to hateful feelings, revengeful desires, or other harmful thoughts towards self or others is emotionally dangerous. It could lead to you actually harming someone, thus ruing not only their life but your own as well.

I would kindly suggest, dear brother, that you seek help immediately for your mental health issues from a professional in your area. I would not wait. I also suggest that in sha’ Allah, you speak with an Imam for guidance and support in your journey towards forgiving and healing as Allah (swt) loves those who forgive, as we would like to be forgiven by Allah (swt). I encourage you to pray, make du’aa’ concerning this, and seek Allah’s (swt) forgiveness for these thoughts and his mercy.


Check out this counseling video:


While we all have had experiences in life wherein an injustice was done to us, we normally do not seek revenge. However, if we suffer from a mental disorder, it may distort our thinking, causing us to feel irrational. It is imperative, brother, that you seek help now before your anger destroys your life. You have a new wife whom you are happy with, a good job as a doctor at a government hospital, and a new life ahead of you. Why would you risk all of that for something that happened in the past and is now over? Let Allah (swt) deal with this injustice and seek the help you need to heal.

You are in our prayers, dear brother. Please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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