Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,
From what I understood, you feel that your husband gives more rights to his mother than your mother, and the dilemma at this point is that you do not feel you have the option to bring your mother to your home to take care of her.
The first you must consider is: will your mother feel comfortable in your home, especially if she is “unwelcomed”? Sometimes, the family makes all the efforts to bring a parent from overseas, but it ends up being suboptimal because of the cultural shock, problems with adapting, language barrier, and family dynamics causing tension.
The question is: why is your husband reluctant? It might be because of his finances. If this is the case, unfortunately, you really should wait until the situation gets stable in order to have provision for everyone. You should consider working so that you can support your mother when she arrives as it is not an obligation for your husband to support your mother, but I understand if you feel it is your obligation. If your husband helps you, it would be a beautiful charity on his part, but he is not necessarily obliged. However, since you have no brothers or male relatives who could support your mother, this act, in my opinion, would be strongly recommended since your mother has no one. Furthermore, just as he would want his mother to be taken care of, he should understand your desire and need to do the same.
If money isn’t a problem, and his decision is based on the fact that she is “the mother of the wife”, you can remind your husband with the following guidance from Islam as it proves the merit of taking care of one’s parents. Some cultural norms say the man’s parents can live with him, but not the woman’s; this seems unfair and should be addressed as in your case you have to take care of your mother since there is no one else. But kindly contact our ‘Ask the Scholar’ section or your local imam for further information on what Islam has as solution for your case. Kindly check out our additional links below as well.
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, `My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.)” (17:23-24)
You should always use Qur’anic guidance because it is the divine instruction and contains proof that we must enjoin good treatment of parents.
“Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good – to parents).”(Qur’an 4:36)
“And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents.” (Qur’an 29:8)
Regarding your mother’s condition, I also would like to mention the following Hadith. Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (saw) said,
“The one who looks after a widow or a poor person is like a Mujahid (warrior) who fights for Allah’s Cause, or like him who performs prayers all the night and fasts all the day.” (Tirmidhi)
As you can see above, you have Divine Inspiration to support your cause, but the fact is that in order to have harmony in your family, you must discuss what compromises and offerings can be made if your mother were to live with you.
I think it is important to remember that your husband does have a valid point when it comes to “mother in law interference.” Having your mother may make him feel the same way you feel now. Together, you must openly discuss family boundaries with your parents and amongst yourselves.
In conclusion, good treatment of parents is an obligation. The question is: does your husband want to gain more rewards by helping you fulfill this commandment? Furthermore, your mother-in-law should love for your mother what she loves for herself – to be taken care of.
May Allah (swt) help you,
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