As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for your question. While you state that his weight is a primary concern in your marriage, it seems that there are other deeper issues that are present in your marriage as well.
First, let me address your question as to whether your attitude toward your husband is justified. What you feel is what you feel, and you shouldn’t give anyone power over how you feel. Only you can have that power.
Second, and this is important for you (and many others in a similar position) to understand that it is better not to criticize others’ shortcomings, but rather to reinforce with positive words and actions to achieve any particular goal.
In other words, when you told your husband about his weight, you said it from a critical and “you’re not good enough” perspective. However, it would have been wiser to tell him that you’d like him to live longer, and therefore, are concerned about his weight.
This leads me to a question for you. You say you’re concerned about him because he may die and then later in your question you say you wish he were dead. Which one is it?
Third, you say you always knew you were marrying a fat guy, but if you knew you didn’t like fat guys, why did you go into the marriage?
Fourth, considering you and your husband haven’t shared the same bed and are keeping your physical interactions to a minimum, I would highly recommend marriage counseling. It seems like trust may be at the source of your marital problems and his weight has only compounded/magnified the problem.
Finally, divorce may be socially unacceptable, but it is better to divorce than live your life miserably just because of fear of what the community may say. You’re married to him, not the community. Your happiness is more important than the gossip of people who probably have little else going on in their lives. After all, if they had productive lives, they wouldn’t worry about your marital status.
I hope to hear from you back if you feel it can help in any way. Please let us know if you still have any questions or concerns.
Good luck to you!
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. Please seek immediate help by contacting any of the following help lines in your country.