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I Found Out My Wife Suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Dec 05, 2017

Question

Assalamu alaikum. I got married last year. My wife is a bit abnormal from the beginning. She behaves very childishly many times. She hardly has interest in sex. After 14 months of marriage, all of sudden she wasn't even able to stand up without any support. Finally, I sent her to her home to take some rest. After 10 days, I got a call from her saying that she got admitted to a mental hospital. I was completely shocked to hear that. There she tried to kill herself with her own hands. She tried to jump out of the window. She sometimes cries for no reason or feels really anxious. After 6 months of marriage, she told me that she had gone through a psychiatric treatment 2 - 3 times. When I met the doctors in the hospital, they said that she was having the dissociative disorder for 2-3 years. Her parents have never told me about this. They've just hidden all her health issues. Now, I want to divorce her.

Counselor

Answer


I Found Out My Wife Suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder

In this counseling answer:

“Try to give things a chance first. Try to understand things from her side and support her through her difficulties. Maybe the love between you will strengthen as you realize the daily struggles she faces. If you still feel too betrayed by her and her family after this time and you feel you will be unable to cope with the situation, then it is ok to seek divorce via the correct channels. The most important thing is to know that you have given it a chance.”


Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh brother,

Although marriage can be a source of great happiness, it comes with many challenges. In your case, it seems that your wife has been suffering from mental health problems. What makes it especially difficult for you is that it seems this information was concealed from you before you got married. She experiences a number of distressing symptoms that can be difficult for loved ones to manage, especially when it comes to things such as attempting suicide.

In Islam, there’s nothing wrong with seeking a divorce, especially if you feel you have been deceived. However, we also know that marriage is an institution that is well protected in Islam. This is why seeking a marriage can be quite a difficult and lengthy process. People desiring divorce must ideally take a number of steps to reconcile the marriage before taking the final option of divorce.

Before rushing into a divorce, you might consider first trying to give her support with her illness. You can begin by learning more about what she is going through. Learn from her directly and by reading up online about it. You might also pick up some tips on how best to help her out.

You could also support her in attendance at medical appointments and encourage her to attend counseling. Often this disorder can arise as a result of previous trauma. Therefore, the best way to overcome it is to receive counseling for these past issues. Once this trauma is addressed, patients can return to a state where they do not exhibit such intense behavior. Having your support during this time could be of great assistance in overcoming this difficult time.

Caring for someone and/or being in a relationship with someone who experiences such difficulties can be extremely difficult. Dealing with such a difficult situation on a daily basis can lead those around the affected person to face burn out. Therefore, there is no shame in taking a break. Make sure that she has someone reliable to stay with her such as a friend or family member and take some time away for yourself. This will also give you the space to really think about your situation and your options; seek a divorce or stay? Being away from the situation to think about it will give you a more rational space to consider your options without being influenced by your immediate surroundings – your spouse and he behavior.

Try to give things a chance first. Try to understand things from her side and support her through her difficulties. Maybe the love between you will strengthen as you realize the daily struggles she faces.

If you still feel too betrayed by her and her family after this time and you feel you will be unable to cope with the situation, then it is ok to seek divorce via the correct channels. The most important thing is to know that you have given it a chance. If you don’t take these steps to save the marriage, then you may be left feeling guilty for not having tried more to help make the relationship work. At least, if you have tried then you can be more confident that you are making the best choice.

May Allah make things easy for you and grant your wife full recovery from her illness. May He grant you success and happiness in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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