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Husband Has No Love for Me

Questioner

S

Reply Date

Sep 23, 2018

Question

Assalamu alaykum. I am married for 16 years. I am from Tanzania. I do not know what to do with my husband. He is always rude to me; he does not even sleep with me and refuses to make love with me. He sleeps in the other room alone. He has no love for me. We have a problem that my mother-in-law lives with us. My mother in law is a rich widow for a year. Our neighbors also enter our house without asking for permission, and my husband and my mother in the law allow them to enter. They create problems between us. However, I do all my work and responsibilities. We have two kids. Tell me please what to do.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Has No Love for Me

In this counseling answer:

• See a marriage counselor get to the root of the problems.

• You, your husband and children would function better as a family if you lived in your own home, separate from your mother in law.


Salamu ‘Alaikum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are going through in your marriage my dear sister. It cannot be easy for you living under those conditions, especially when there are people coming in and out of the home causing disruptions. Perhaps living under these conditions have affected your husband as well and he is taking it out on you, which is not right. While I am not sure how long it has been going on that your husband is rude to you and sleeps in another room, it certainly is not Islamic.

While you did not give further details, I suggest dear sister that in sha’ Allah you speak with your husband and tell him you are unhappy and that you would like to save the marriage if possible. Perhaps you, your husband and children would function better as a family if you lived in your own home, separate from your mother in law. While I do not know the feasibility of this, I thought I would mention it because in some situations, living with in-laws does cause problems within a marriage.


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I suggest in sha’Allah that you both see a marriage counselor get to the root of the problem. From there you can either resolve the problem or live a happy life together. If he refuses, or you cannot resolve your differences, you do have the option for divorce.

Allah made marriage to be a happy, comforting union sister. When marriage problems exist, we are to try to resolve them Islamically. If this fails we are entitled to divorce rather than being stuck in an unhappy life. Please do make du’aa’ to Allah as well as make istakhara prior to any major decision. If we can be of further help, please let us know.

You are in our prayers.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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