As human beings, we often face difficult moments when we realize the reality of certain situations. Although, this may be a difficult moment for you, but, with the proper resources, you can get the help you need.
There are several points I would like to highlight from your description of the marriage. The first concern is that although you may be trying various approaches, it seems that you and your husband have not been happy for some time. A question you should ask yourself is: when did you first start to feel that things are not going well between you and your husband? It might help you understand the root of the problem.
The next concern is the issue of spiritual compatibility. It seems that this relationship started out as a love marriage, but the spiritual disconnect between the two of you has driven a figurative wedge in your relationship. Based on your description, he does not seem interested in practicing the traditions of Islam, and he prefers a secular life style. As a result, his actions may also not be driven by intentions associated with fulfilling certain religious obligations and rights such as leading your family spiritually or providing emotional support. So, getting him to change his partying lifestyle will be difficult if he does not see the benefit of it or have faith in the religion.
The additional concerns that you have are that he has opened an alcohol store and that potentially he has been having an affair. These are issues that I would encourage you to discuss with a local therapist in the UK in order to have an objective and fresh perspective to mediate the situation. Again, this issue goes back to spiritual compatibility. What is important for you to observe religiously may not be important for him.
I would also encourage you to begin journaling, if you have not already, and ask yourself several questions: Are you happy in this relationship? Is it spiritually uplifting? Make a list of certain behaviors that are deal breakers for you and see how your husband measures up. Does he immerse himself in engaging in things that are good or bad for him? What is his moral or ethical code regarding marriage?
All of the above concerns mentioned should be factored in when considering where your spouse is at spiritually and emotionally. It seems that the relationship has an established unhealthy patterns, and is emotionally and psychologically abusive in some instances. It’s important for you to look at various programs which are available and would require your spouse to identify what he would like out of marriage overall as well.
The root cause of some of his behaviors could be surrounded by not having the opportunity to pursue certain dreams. He may desire to remain young once again through his actions by going out with friends, etc. There could also be underlying issues such as a traumatic experience which makes him feel emotionally stuck or a history of problems in the marriage that have gone unaddressed.
I hope this provides you with some perspective. I would encourage you to schedule an appointment with a local marriage counselor who has an understanding of Islam & Muslims (or is a Muslim) to expand upon all of your concerns.
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