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Husband Left Me Loaded in Debt

Questioner

A

Reply Date

May 11, 2018

Question

My husband threatens to divorce me and marry someone else. His attitude towards women is bad; he says women are slaves. He says his family advised him to divorce me. He has not provided me with mahr (dowry). I could not even ask because he had no money at the time. I bought my own ring and bought his, but he gave to his dad. I didn't mind at the time because I thought he'd treat me fairly.

Now he earns a nice salary, but I don’t see a penny from it. I have invested in my husband a lot, paid for his driving license, supported passing his driving test, paid some of his debts by selling my car. I paid things he wanted, holidays; I paid his visas. I have always supported him but he has never supported me. His family lives in Pakistan, but he has never taken me to meet them. Many of them don’t even know I'm his wife.

I'm oppressed, he wants me to work and provide for him. Recently, I threw him out of the home, for which his uncle advised him to divorce me. Since he got the nationality, he took 7k of my savings, went back home even though I told him he would ruin our marriage. He left me in debts of 7k, didn't leave me anything except bills and car insurances debt to pay. I can't forgive or forget this. I'm scared at what his going to do next. I have 2 children.

In addition, I am possessed with jinns for almost 10 years. He failed to help me with ruqyah, and I can't seem to get rid of them. I'm struggling to cope with daily life. He promised to take us to umrah, but instead, he is planning to dump me. I have no money. In the last 10 months, he was in Pakistan twice. I told him if he goes again, I don't want him back ever. I can't take this oppression. I distrust his family members as they have encouraged him to divorce me and encouraged me to leave him.

What are my rights, what are his rights? He has never treated me like his wife. He now wants to live separately to make money. His family and friends are interfering in our marriage a lot.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Left Me Loaded in Debt

In this counseling answer:

• Study your rights as a Muslim woman and wife.

• Seek legal counsel as well as Islamic council regarding dissolving this marriage and prepare to start your life anew.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,

I am sorry to hear about your marriage problems and the way your husband has treated you. First of all, he gave no mahr, and it seems the marriage is secret to a lot of people, especially his family. Therefore, I do not think you are married Islamically, as according to AboutIslam scholar, “To be valid, a marriage has to meet certain requirements such as ishhar (announcement), the payment of the dower, the consent of both parties, the permission of the wali (woman’s guardian), and the presence of witnesses.”

Secondly, dear sister, you have sacrificed and paid for everything in your marriage, and he has done nothing that is required of him as a Muslim husband. In fact, he has done the opposite. Sadly, it seems that he has used you to get citizenship and in the process drained you emotionally, financially, and has hurt your heart. No one enters a marriage expecting this, but it often happens. It is especially shocking for new reverts or Muslim women who do not know what signs to look for that may indicate a red flag or ones who do not know their rights.

Women have many rights in IslamYou have the right to be treated with loving kindness, to receive affection, to live in a peaceful home, to spend the money you earn as you see fit. You have the right to be provided for (food, clothing, shelter) and many more rights. You also have the right to divorce.

Sister, I would kindly suggest that you study your rights as a Muslim woman and wife. We have more rights than many other women when it comes to marriage and many other areas of life. We just have to know what they are and be willing to utilize them.

Given your situation, I would advise you to cut off any access your husband has to bank accounts as well as removing his name from any property you may still own. I suggest you contact a lawyer in regards to divorce as well a therapist to help you through the trauma you have been going through. Stay close to Allah (swt), sister, keep your prayers, make du’aa’ for ease, socialize with up-building Islamic sisters and try to envision a new life.

Sadly, many women have become victims of men seeking citizenship. Expecting a happy, loving Islamic marriage, a lot end up burned, losing money, homes, time and often their children if the men take them back to their home countries. They lose everything in the process of trying to make a marriage work. However, Allah (swt) never leaves us sister; with trials and tests comes ease.

I would kindly suggest that you seek legal counsel as well as Islamic council regarding dissolving this marriage and prepare to start your life anew. Allah (swt) does love you, sister, and will bless you for your efforts to have an Islamic marriage, despite your husband’s intentions. You may not feel that way now as you are hurt, but Allah (swt) is most merciful, and Allah (swt) knows best.

You are in our prayers sister. Please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Husband Breaking Needed House Mortgage: Permissible?

Feeling Helpless: Why Does My Husband Treat Me Bad?

Valid Reasons for Divorce in Islam




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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