In this counseling answer:
• Study your rights as a Muslim woman and wife.
• Seek legal counsel as well as Islamic council regarding dissolving this marriage and prepare to start your life anew.
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
I am sorry to hear about your marriage problems and the way your husband has treated you. First of all, he gave no mahr, and it seems the marriage is secret to a lot of people, especially his family. Therefore, I do not think you are married Islamically, as according to AboutIslam scholar, “To be valid, a marriage has to meet certain requirements such as ishhar (announcement), the payment of the dower, the consent of both parties, the permission of the wali (woman’s guardian), and the presence of witnesses.”
Secondly, dear sister, you have sacrificed and paid for everything in your marriage, and he has done nothing that is required of him as a Muslim husband. In fact, he has done the opposite. Sadly, it seems that he has used you to get citizenship and in the process drained you emotionally, financially, and has hurt your heart. No one enters a marriage expecting this, but it often happens. It is especially shocking for new reverts or Muslim women who do not know what signs to look for that may indicate a red flag or ones who do not know their rights.
Women have many rights in Islam. You have the right to be treated with loving kindness, to receive affection, to live in a peaceful home, to spend the money you earn as you see fit. You have the right to be provided for (food, clothing, shelter) and many more rights. You also have the right to divorce.
Sister, I would kindly suggest that you study your rights as a Muslim woman and wife. We have more rights than many other women when it comes to marriage and many other areas of life. We just have to know what they are and be willing to utilize them.
Given your situation, I would advise you to cut off any access your husband has to bank accounts as well as removing his name from any property you may still own. I suggest you contact a lawyer in regards to divorce as well a therapist to help you through the trauma you have been going through. Stay close to Allah (swt), sister, keep your prayers, make du’aa’ for ease, socialize with up-building Islamic sisters and try to envision a new life.
Sadly, many women have become victims of men seeking citizenship. Expecting a happy, loving Islamic marriage, a lot end up burned, losing money, homes, time and often their children if the men take them back to their home countries. They lose everything in the process of trying to make a marriage work. However, Allah (swt) never leaves us sister; with trials and tests comes ease.
I would kindly suggest that you seek legal counsel as well as Islamic council regarding dissolving this marriage and prepare to start your life anew. Allah (swt) does love you, sister, and will bless you for your efforts to have an Islamic marriage, despite your husband’s intentions. You may not feel that way now as you are hurt, but Allah (swt) is most merciful, and Allah (swt) knows best.
You are in our prayers sister. Please let us know how you are doing.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.