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Husband Just Went Back to His Country Without Telling Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 18, 2019

Question

My husband whom I have been married to for 24 years just got on a plane and went back to his country 2 days ago. We have 4 children. He didn't plan with us, he didn't tell us and just went. I feel extremely betrayed, and my heart is broken.

I am keeping full tawakkul in Allah SWT to help me pass his test and reward us with all our dreams come true. When he returns, how do I continue with my marriage with him, with love and trust? I am trying to keep patient and rely on Allah in this time of testing from Him.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Just Went Back to His Country Without Telling Me

In this counseling answer:

•Avoid taking any action or behaving irrationally as often happens in times of crisis like this.

•Discuss matters in more depth upon his return not over the phone.

•You might want to involve a knowledgeable third party at that time.

•Don’t let his behavior upset other things in your life. Continue to do the things you usually do and enjoy.

•May Allah make it easy for you during this difficult period.


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It is understandable why you are experiencing such distress as a result of your husband’s actions. Discussion should take place in a marriage if it is to run smoothly and lovingly. To do something as drastic as leaving to another country without discussion will inevitably cause tensions, especially in this case where you have now been left alone with your 4 children.

Alhamdulilah, you seem to have faith in Allah and are doing your best to stay strong in this. InshAllah, it is this positive attitude that will make things easier for you and help you to approach the situation in the most appropriate way. This is something that will be very important for you to hang on to over the coming days and weeks for your own sake as well as your children and marriage.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Don’t Do Anything Quick You Might Regret Later

At this point, the event is still fresh and your emotions will be heightened so the best thing to do right now is to avoid taking any action or behaving irrationally as often happens in times of crisis like this. Such behaviors can quickly lead to further destruction in an already distressful situation.

Another thing to keep in mind that discussion of such serious and difficult matters from a distance can be quite difficult and comes with added challenges to a face to face scenario. As a result, such interaction needs to be cautiously approached to avoid misinterpretations that can easily occur via long-distance interactions.

It might be more conducive to your marriage to discuss matters in more depth upon his return. This may require a mutual third party who can listen to both sides of the story and advise based on this whilst giving you both the chance to express your feelings. For example, perhaps your husband didn’t realize how much his departure would cause you trouble and upset you and perhaps there was a reason why he felt the urgent need to leave.

At the same time, for the sake of the children, a sense of normality needs to be maintained. Therefore, try to avoid the impact on them being too grave. Continue with your normal routine as much as possible and perhaps begin with attempting to contact your husband on their behalf so they can at least maintain contact right now so that they don’t experience any guilt or blame as can often occur in such situations.


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Likewise, for yourself, don’t let his behavior upset other things in your life. Continue to do the things you usually do and enjoy. Be with other people. This will help to keep you in as positive a space as is possible and place you in the best position to deal with the situation more effectively as well as not allowing the situation to cause more upset than is necessary.

May Allah make it easy for you during this difficult period. May He bring you strength and give you patience and bring you happiness in your marriage.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

 

How to Convince My Husband to Come Back to Us?

Husband Left Me & The Kids for Another Woman

I Made a Mistake, My Husband Has Lost Trust in Me




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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