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My Husband Doesn’t Care About Me!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 18, 2018

Question

Assalamu aliakum,I am a Muslim sister, I am married for a year know. My husband doesn't care about me; he doesn't give me anything since we get married. He always takes my money without informing me, if I send him for shopping and spend outside for some nights. Sometimes he prays and if he did he doesn't go to the mosque. Kindly advice.

Counselor

Answer


care

In this counseling answer:

“Regarding his behaviour towards you. Have you tried actually talking to him about it? Maybe he doesn’t even realize that you feel this way and therefore doesn’t feel like he is doing anything wrong. If he is not aware that you feel this way then he is unlikely to do anything to change. If this is the case, you might want to begin by talking to him about it gently.”


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is understandable why these things would make you feel upset as you would expect your spouse to take care of you and spend time with you.

It is especially concerning also that he is not praying. There are however some ways in which you can try and ease the situation.

Firstly, regarding his behaviour towards you. Have you tried actually talking to him about it? Maybe he doesn’t even realize that you feel this way and therefore doesn’t feel like he is doing anything wrong.

If he is not aware that you feel this way then he is unlikely to do anything to change. If this is the case, you might want to begin by talking to him about it gently.

He might feel upset by what you say, so make sure you approach calmly without getting angry,  so do make sure that you are in a good frame of mind at the time and he also.

Given the things that make you upset, maybe you could begin by organizing some time together.

The time that is locked out for just the 2 of you. Even if it’s just once a week to do something together. This will give you the chance to bond and for you to feel special rather than feeling he spends too much time with his friends.

It’s also important to understand things from his side too. If it is that he is working long hours, then maybe he feels comfortable to just hang around with his friends for some time to get some head space away from work. He has no responsibilities to fulfill with his friends, so understand that this is a reason why he may feel more relaxed with them after a hard day at work.

As mentioned before, this does not mean that he should always be with them and therefore you could organize a certain day each week for just the 2 of you too. This will be something that you can only attain by actually a dressing it with him.

Maybe you don’t even have to directly say to him that you want him to spend less time with them, but simply propose that you do something together once a week. Additionally, regarding the shopping, maybe this is also something you can try to do together.

Regarding him not praying. It might be that him not praying and having that close connection with Allah is what is making him behave in less favourable ways. Everyone experiences dip in eman at some point or another and as his spouse, you are in a good position to gently encourage him. If you are comfortable too, you could be direct and upfront about it and advise him that he should be praying and remind him of why.

In most cases, this is not an easy option, so it may be that a more indirect approach is more appropriate and will be me effective. Firstly, leading by example is a good place to start. You continue to fulfill your duties and keep on praying and do so in front of him that he may be inspired to start praying again.

You could even take it a step further and let him know when it’s time to pray and invite him to join you.

Furthermore, you can encourage him to engage in other acts of worship that will serve the purpose of softening his heart and bringing him closer to Allah. Once he reaches this point, he is more likely to begin praying again by himself without the need to be told directly or indirectly that he should be praying.

So, for example, it might be that you start doing some sunnah fasts on Mondays and Thursdays if you can and you can invite him to join you, or alternatively, you might begin an Islamic course online and ask if he will join you so you can work on it together.

These things will also serve another hidden purpose as well. As well as softening his heart to Islam it will also provide opportunities for the 2 of you to spend more time together doing something that you can bond over and enjoy each others company working towards a common goal.

 

May Allah guide your husband on the straight path and may He bring you both contentment and happiness in your marriage.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

 

 

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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