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Husband Doesn’t Allow Me to Visit My Family

Questioner

R

Reply Date

Feb 14, 2018

Question

As-Salamu Alaykum. I am married for two years and have a daughter. My problems are: 1) my husband refuses to shave his pubic hair. 2) He rarely allows me to go to my father's house although we live in the same town. He does not show respect to them either. I am so unhappy with him. What shall I do? What does Islam say about it?

Counselor

Answer


Husband Doesn't Allow Me to Visit My Family

In this counseling answer:

“It is absolutely vital that both husband and wife learn to discuss and collaborate with each other, especially when it comes to differences. Do not wait until he asks you and initiates something. Be proactive and open.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. Since I am not an Islamic scholar, I will be answering your question from a mental health professional’s point of view. If you would like more detailed answers specifically related to the Islamic point of view, then I would kindly refer you to send your question to our website’s “Ask the Scholar” section.

Sister, you write that there are two issues with your marriage that have been bothering you to a great deal and that you have been married for two years. Before I answer your question, I would like to ask you: how has marriage been in general? Since the last two years, have you found in your husband the kind of husband you desire? Other than the two issues you mentioned above, do you feel that you have a strong relationship with your husband? I ask these questions because they make way for how the both of you interact with each other, and how you solve issues between each other. Since I don’t know the answer to the above questions, I will have to generally answer.

Your first issue seems like you get bothered by your husband refusing to shave his pubic hair. For lack of better wording, how do you feel about his pubic hair? If it bothers you (I am only assuming since you didn’t mention that it bothered you), why so? Have you told your husband how you feel about it? What is his reasoning for keeping it? Since you didn’t mention how you felt about it, then my suggestion would be to keep all channels of communication with your husband open. Be open and honest with your husband, and encourage him to be open as well.

The same goes for the second issue you brought up about him not allowing you to see your father. You both need to have a conversation about it. He needs to know exactly how you feel, and he needs to honestly tell you his feelings.

Sister, it is absolutely vital that both husband and wife learn to discuss and collaborate with each other, especially when it comes to differences. Do not wait until he asks you and initiates something. Be proactive and open; have these honest conversations with him. Make it the mode of communication between you and your husband. This type of openness helps your marriage become stronger, more trusting, and more fulfilling. I ask Allah to help the both of you learn to become better communicators and to nurture your relationship.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

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