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Husband Cannot Handle The Family Expenses

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 18, 2018

Question

My husband gets angry constantly. He is very poor with handling the family expenses. He always tries to manage my salary as well. I do not earn that much of money. We have 3 years old too.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Cannot Handle The Family Expenses

In this counseling answer:

  • There is clear evidence in the Qur’an that it is his responsibility to provide.
  • Don’t approach him in a moment of anger.

As-Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuh sister,

Financial matters can often cause difficulties in a marriage as they are in your case.

From an Islamic perspective, he is responsible for taking care of financial matters relating to you and your child and sons. Do not get angry with you regarding this because it is his responsibility. Perhaps he doesn’t know this and needs reminding.

There is clear evidence in the Qur’an that it is his responsibility to provide, even if it is just basic needs at the very least. Therefore, you have every right to request it of him. It might be argued that if his financial situation is not strong, then you can help out with your own income if you wish. This may even be the source of his anger. However, the fact that he has savings suggests otherwise.

Perhaps you could talk to him on this matter and remind him of his responsibilities. This might be a difficult conversation to have, so make sure to broach the topic carefully if you are to get the beat from it.

Firstly, don’t approach him in a moment of anger. Make sure you have a quiet moment in a calm state to discuss this serious matter.

If you are comfortable and don’t mind providing some financial support, then maybe you could even come to some kind of middle ground agreement that you will provide some assistance, but he needs to step up more.

This compromise might make him more amenable to change his ways of spending. But, this is only if you want to because you are not obliged to.

If you want to oblige your rights as a wife, you could just refuse to pay anything that he has to. Obviously, he needs to eat as well so will soon see the consequences of having no food in the house and will be forced to fulfill his obligation and provide financially.

Regarding the loan, if it was one that you took out, or were part of, then you will be held accountable for this as much as he is as you entered into it knowingly.

If it is a loan that has interest, then the consequences with Allah will not be good unless you repent. So, make sure to do this and stay away from loans if this is the case.

Whilst you cannot take this back and will have to deal with unfortunate consequences of paying it back, you can learn some valuable lessons and not take one again.

If your husband has savings, then there is no need to have one. If he asks you to take a loan again that has interest, then out of fear of Allah for both yourself and your husband, you should decline and have solid grounds to from an Islamic perspective.

May Allah bring you peace and happiness in your marriage and guide you both on the straight path.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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