In this counseling answer:
“there are several possibilities that could be the answer to what is going on with your husband. The first potential answer could be that he either has an extremely low sex drive or he is asexual. I would encourage the both of you to consult with both a marriage and family therapist as well as a sex therapist to explore the possibilities and bring out the answer to why he is exhibiting these symptoms.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for your question. For Muslims, marriage is a very important part of our faith. Healthy and unhealthy families impact the overall fabric of the community. What is important to note is that sex is a very much important component of a healthy marriage. What is also a very important component of a healthy marriage is sexual compatibility.
Based on your statements, it seems that you and your husband are not compatible in terms of sexuality and disagree in regards to the level of importance of sex in your marriage. The fact that you have been married for 3 years and he has not been able to penetrate you is a valid concern. You stated that you make both romantic and sexual advances and he still pushes you away.
You stated that in more recent times he has been making an effort to find solutions so that the both of you will be pleased and happy with the marriage. He stated that sex is not important to him. You stated that he finally admitted that he has problems with sexual dysfunction and he has tried taking Viagra, but he cannot hold an erection for very long. You also stated that he denies being gay.
With that being said, there are several possibilities that could be the answer to what is going on with your husband. The first potential answer could be that he either has an extremely low sex drive or he is asexual. Asexuality is lack of sexual attraction to anyone or having low or no interest in sexual activity.
What often occurs is that asexual people still engage in sexual activity in an effort to try to please their spouse or for the purpose of having children, which seems could be the case with your husband. Also, a person that lacks romantic attraction towards anyone is often referred to as aromantic.
Other possibilities besides low sex drive and asexuality include the fact that he could have been a victim of abuse.
I would encourage the both of you to consult with both a marriage and family therapist as well as a sex therapist to explore the possibilities and bring out the answer to why he is exhibiting these symptoms.
One healthy aspect of the relationship is that you see each other as best friends and I’m sure that this has helped you in some aspects in continuing the marriage. However, it is important for you to not deny and ignore marital rights that you are entitled to that are clearly contributing towards your unhappiness.
Seek as many opportunities for counsel with a therapist and if you are not able to find a resolution, taking time for yourself to decide whether or not you would like to continue in this type of marriage will be important.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.