Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu `Alaikum,
Thank you for your question. For starters, I am a social worker so I do not know where you can get answers with respect to black magic. I will try, however, to answer your question from a clinical perspective.
Although, from an Islamic perspective, we do believe in black magic, I have found that many people are quick to resort to external sources for their problems (i.e. black magic) rather than to look at themselves and seek out the source of the problem. Locating the source of the problem is the first step to find a solution.
It is easier to avoid looking at ourselves and blame others for our problems because it alleviates the difficult emotions that accompany these kinds of realizations. For example, you mention that your husband’s mother feels that “there are many bad eyes on him”. Of course, his mother thinks this; all mothers think their children are successful and worth other people’s envy. There are many successful people in the world; do they all have “bad eyes on them”?
Alternate Reasons for Hatred
You state clearly that your husband is quick to anger even to the point where you, his wife, was too scared to bring up your emotional vulnerability with him. In many circles, this may be termed as an unhealthy relationship although I do not like to be quick making that kind of statement.
You speak of your feelings of dislike towards your husband while you were in Morocco. You also give details of being a convert, being new to Morocco, and having a son with ADHD. These factors alone (assuming that there are many more details left out here) are sufficient reasons for a person to show unhappiness, stress, and potential dislike towards the person they deem responsible for their circumstances.
You obviously moved to Morocco for your husband; you may have been, perhaps even subconsciously, blaming him for your misery. It would be good to look at this possibility rather than being quick to feel that it is some external, evil cause.
You then speak of returning to the UK, but having a husband who was traveling a lot. This can also be a major point of contention between spouses. In addition to having a child with ADHD (children with this diagnosis can be especially difficult for their parents) and having 3 more children, it could not have been an easy time for you.
Perhaps, you resented your husband on some level for being away, not helping out with the running of the household, and not being a present dad. I do not know the answer to these questions, I just present them as alternate reasons for your stated hatred at this time.
Sudden Love
When you moved to Morocco again, you speak of a sudden love for your husband. This may also be due to other reasons. After years of not being around your husband consistently, now you get to see him and have a more stable family life. Do you have added house help in Morocco that, perhaps, takes the stress out of daily chores? Are your children older and thus less physically demanding?
Low Self-Esteem
Also, the latest feelings you describe sound more like low self-esteem or potential anxiety related concerns. Have there been any developments that would lead to a changed self perception for you (i.e. having 4 kids and not feeling young/sexy anymore)? The symptoms you explain could be results of anxiety and/or stress. Are there any other health concerns that need to be discussed with a physician?
Mental Therapy and Marriage Counseling
In addition to alternate ways of looking into your problem, there are also potential mental health concerns you may want to talk to a psychiatrist about. I am not suggesting that you have any kind of mental health problem; however, many times when there are sudden/extreme mood changes, it can be a good reason to talk to a mental health professional.
Lastly, you seem to have gone through many transitions in your life with your husband. Perhaps seeking out a good marriage counselor is a good option.
May Allah help you,
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