As-Salaamu ’Alaykum Sister,
God bless you on your journey and for gaining wisdom. As you said, marrying this brother is “out of the question.” I think you have come to realize this on your own. Sometimes, we must live out mistakes in order to become solid pillars on our path to God.
As to testifying on the Qur’an to marry this brother, we must consider the circumstances described. It seems you were in a “foggy state” and under the pressure and influence of a man with an unsound heart. Sometimes, when we are not thinking clearly, like in states of delusional “love”, we do things out of character. Don’t be too hard on yourself as this is part of the growing process for everyone.
Our religion is a balance between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. If we interpret everything literally, our religion would be dry and rigid. Our Prophet (PBUH) would forgive and show compassion more than demand justice or retribution. God’s most dominant attributes are Ar-Rahman (Most Gracious) and Ar-Rahim (Most Merciful). In a hadith qudsi (Divine Hadith) found in Muslim & Bukhari, God Almighty says:
“My Mercy is greater than My wrath.”
In other words, mercy and forgiveness are heavier in the theological basket than punishment. Literally, swearing on the Qur’an is a serious thing, but if your heart’s spirit was impure and your testimony was done without the fullness of your heart, it is debatable. The important thing is that you learn from all this and apply wisdom for your future. As humans, we are meant to make mistakes; it is part of our growth. As long as you are sincere and do the best you can to inherit God’s grace, in sha’ Allah your mistakes will be forgiven and transformed into good deeds. (Quran 25:70)
Your efforts of taking time away and deeply engaging in prayer and meditation for God’s forgiveness is a beautiful practice and shows that you are on the right track in sha’ Allah. To turn back to God and acknowledge one’s weaknesses and mistakes is a sign of the true believer. Sometimes, we must experience the ugly in order to love the beautiful and true.
I am not sure what compensation you must literally give for a broken oath on Qur’an, especially if that was unrealistic and taken with certain states of mind. However, it would be good to continue to do good deeds with the intention of God forgiving you for all your previous wrongs including your oath. Kindly check out the links of our ‘Ask the Scholar’ section on swearing by the Qur’an below or write for them if you still have further questions related to the issue.
In consideration of getting married and pleasing your parents, remember to marry someone you feel compatible with and attracted to. Do not just marry anyone your parents tell you to only to “please them” or “make up” for what happened. You repented and should carry out your life with this new wisdom. Remember to follow the guidance of the Qur’an and Sunnah with your marriage procedure and avoid cultural customs that have nothing to do with Islam as this could lead to more mistakes and unhappiness. Marriage is a serious commitment and of the greatest oaths a person can make! Don’t use marriage as a way to compensate your past but as a way to build your future in sha’ Allah!
God protect you moving forward, and may He help you choose a good suitor, Amin.
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