In this counseling answer:
“If your husband keeps on persuading his parents to come to the UAE, I am sure they will come. It is just matter of time. Old people can become like kids and a little stubborn, but when they realize that their son isn’t willing to move to India, they will agree to move in with you, in sha Allah.”
As-Salamu ‘Aleikom sister,
I am glad to hear that your husband has changed into a very loving husband after you had your baby. Men usually change when they have children because they don’t only see you as their wife but also the mother of their child. The bond gets even stronger between a wife and a husband. You should appreciate it and be thankful for having a good life partner.
Having a baby can change a man, and that is what has happened with your husband. Science shows that the neural and hormonal mechanisms of paternal care, but so far the evidence suggests that mothers’ and fathers’ brains use a similar neural circuitry when taking care of their children. Moms and dads also undergo similar hormonal changes that are linked to their brain and behavior changes.
Father used to be different from the modern fathers today. Today’s father is no longer always the traditional married breadwinner and disciplinarian in the family. Psychological research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests that fathers’ affection increased family involvement.
Your husband seems like a man who cares about people around him, especially his family. This can be the reason people can easily utilize his energy and help because he is always willing to be there for other people. It is a good quality to have in one way.
His parents on the other side may not want to move to a different country at this age. Why don’t you ask your husband to find a job in India if you had to move there? I know it can be lonely for you to move there. I would suggest that you sat down with him and had a proper conversation about it. Tell him about how lonely you are there. Tell him that it will be easier for his parents to live with you in the UAE as you will be happier. He is concerned about his parents in their old age, and that just shows that he is a caring man. You should convince him to move his parents to UAE to come and live with you both. Mention to him how proud you are of him and how well he is doing with his business in the UAE.
If you husband is their only son then he will naturally feel the responsibility to look after his parents. Islam has primarily placed the responsibility of looking after the parents on the shoulder of the male children. He can’t force you to look after his parents, but it sounds like you have a problem doing that as they are low maintenance.
Allah has mentioned in the Qur’an:
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.” (Surah al-Isra: 23-24)
I personally also think that you will be better off in the UAE as your husband will be an independent man and earn his own money and support his family himself. It is good for his self-esteem and also gives him an identity of who he is. I am sure he will listen to your advice if you talk to him nicely, as he does care about you and his child a lot. Find the right time and place and discuss with your husband in a good and polite manner.
If your husband keeps on persuading his parents to come to the UAE, I am sure they will come. It is just matter of time. Old people can become like kids and a little stubborn, but when they realize that their son isn’t willing to move to India, they will agree to move in with you, in sha Allah.
The main thing is that you and your husband communicate well with each other, understand each other’s point of view, respect and equally come to an agreement whether it is to move to India or not. Either way, his parents should move in with you guys if your husband is their only son. However, if they have other sons in India, and they want to stay there, then maybe the easiest and most practical solution will be for them to stay with the son who lives in India, this way both parties will be happy.
I would suggest that you give yourself and your husband some time to think through as moving to another country is a big change and a big decision to make. Make sure you don’t hurt him with whatever decision you make.
May Allah make it easier for you both and guide you to the right path,
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