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How Can A Woman Manage Her Emotions Effectively?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 15, 2017

Question

My question is about emotions: How can a woman manage her emotions effectively? What is the best way to deal with negative/difficult emotions? What are the steps in overcoming hurt feelings/or bad past experiences? I believe that having more insight into how to understand and see our emotions for what they are, gives us women more strength and knowledge about our true worth instead of looking for others/men to do it for us. How does one improve or find out about one’s own inner potential? How do I keep focusing on making the best of my life, and reach my own goals, while living in an environment where circumstances and people are working against me. I hope to have these things answered in sha' Allah. (I am in my late twenties, unmarried)

Counselor

Answer


How Can A Woman Manage Her Emotions Effectively?

 


In this counseling answer:

For women, procession emotions is a very good way to explore and manage emotions. It means either talking with another person who will listen attentively until everything has ben really “talked out” or writing down the stories and labeling the emotions in a journal.


As-Salam `Alaykum dear Sister,

Processing emotions is a very good way to explore and manage your emotions. Processing means talking with another who will listen until you have really “talked it all out”. Sometimes a woman doesn’t even know what she feels until she talks, and she doesn’t know what she thinks or believes until she talks it out. This is real therapy.

Another way to do this if you do not have a friend to listen while you explore your emotions and process them is to process them in a journal. In a journal, you would write down the entire history and all of the events, kind of “reliving” the story. You would also label your emotions and feelings as you write your story.

In addition to processing, prayer is very helpful. Prayer is our connection to Allah (swt) and Allah (swt) is the source of healing.

Finally, seek out a sister who can understand and be a nurturing friend. A woman needs to be nurtured when she is feeling hurt. Letting a sister know that you need some TLC (tender loving care) can really help sometimes. Just going for walks or to a movie or having tea with a friend can make all the difference in the world. It gets you out and changes the scene and helps you to move forward. You can be a friend back as well. We all need friends.

Now, if you are also talking about behaviors and what you “do” when you are feeling emotional, we can analyze that also and find alternative behaviors to replace unwanted behaviors. In other words, if you are not happy with your own behavior when you are feeling emotional, then we will explore behaviors that you can express that are easier for you to use.

You don’t want to stop having emotions or feelings; it is more about how they are expressed that we are concerned about. For some people, journaling and having a good cry with a friend is all they need. Other people need to do more. Let me know if this applies to you.

I totally agree with you about exploring and understanding your own emotions and learning how to control them instead of expecting that a man can do this for us. Indeed, men are not always that good at understanding us.

When we put ourselves in the position of depending on a man to make us feel good about ourselves, we set ourselves up to feel bad. This is not because men want to hurt us, but because there really is a lot that they do not understand about us. Understanding ourselves helps us to be balanced and do well in all aspects of our lives.

As far as improving or finding out about your inner potential is concerned, again, exploring and processing is the best tool. For this, however, you want to list all of the things you have done well and/or enjoyed as you were growing up. Then list your strengths, including character and skills.

Once you have done this, list the things that you imagine you would like to do and who you would like to be one day. You can even use a role model and analyze what it is about her that you admire. List those characteristics.

Then, develop some goals for yourself and see how they match up with your lists. Now, write down what you believe the barriers to your achieving your goals are. Once you do that, write in again, and we can explore what you have written.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




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