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My Husband Has Many Girlfriends

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 13, 2017

Question

My husband and I are married for a year now but he commits zina a lot. He has numerous girlfriends. He has given me STD. We don’t have a child yet. I am so confused right now.

Counselor

Answer


My Husband Has Many Girlfriends

In this counseling answer:

“If you want to save your marriage, seek marriage counseling. But iIf you remain married to him and he continues to cheat, not only are you at risk for repeated STD’s, but you are at risk for one of the deadliest STD, HIV.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us with your most important issue. I am so sorry to hear of your husband’s infidelities and haram activities. I am sorry you have been the victim of STD’s.

As you have only been married a year and you have no children yet, you have some serious thinking to do. As your marriage started off poorly with him cheating, you have every right to divorce. While our goal is to save marriages as Allah (swt) hates divorce, if you decide to divorce, you are within your rights.

I would kindly suggest that you think deeply about your marriage and if you would like to try to save it.  Please make istakhara prayer regarding this most important decision. If so, it will take the both of you – your husband and you to commit to saving your marriage.

I would kindly suggest in this case that you both go for marriage counseling as well as attend the Masjid for prayers and Islamic events. When couples pray together, have other Muslim couples as friends and build their marriage on an Islamic foundation, there tend to be better outcomes.

In regards to counseling, I would kindly suggest that your husband commit to not cheating. He should also go for individual counseling to find out what it is inside of himself that makes him cheat. His cheating has nothing to do with you sister but is a reflection of his own insecurities as well as his disconnection from Allah (swt).

Should he or you not want to commit to saving the marriage, please do seek out the counsel of an imam for divorce proceedings. I know this is painful, sister, but your life is at stake, literally. If you remain married to him and he continues to cheat, not only are you at risk for repeated STD’s, but you are at risk for one of the deadliest STD, HIV. You are blessed in that so far the STD’s he gave you were treatable. The next time you may contract something that is more deadly and is a lifelong incurable disease severely impacting your quality of life. Please think hard sister.

We wish you the best,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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